Alas, I have absolutely nothing of note to say today but I thought I should at least 'check in' so that you don't get all worried and think I've run away to join the circus or become a driving instructor in Laos.
Oh, well I have just downloaded a nifty little (free) application that allows me to make time-lapse movies. Expect something dreadful soon.
Sad but true. I'm excited about a carpet. Let's be honest though, our gorgeous new bit of floorware has not only been laid perfectly, but it looks the canine's love-spuds to boot. The photo shows the carpety lovliness sans furniture, in all it's glory. And the best bit? It's not royal blue. Yes, our previous carpet was a deep and disturbing blue. Blue, like the sea. Sometimes, when we were sitting on our sofa, it felt like we were on cross-channel ferry.
Now however, the lounge feels more like a room than a busy shipping lane and that's just great. The only downside is we still have 2 months to wait for our groovy new leather sofas to arrive from, er, Singapore. Fear not though dear reader, we shall be dragging one of our ageing sofas back in from the garage so that we don't have to go all Japanese and sit on the floor.
I don't usually rob stories off the Tinterweb but this one made me laugh. A 47 year old woman from Wales was caught by a speeding camera doing 41mph on a 30mph road. The problem was that she had only got a provisional licence which meant she was going to be in a bit of bother. So what did she do?
She said she was dead.
When the rozzers wrote to her she bravely ignored the letter. When the court then issued a summons, she wrote back, pretending to be her daughter, saying that her 'mum' had been killed in a car crash. Brilliant. Unfortunately the court were a tad suspicious and she ended up getting nailed by the long arm of the law. Well, I say nailed. She got a pathetic six month suspended sentence. I reckon she should have had both legs lopped off and the phrase 'I'm a crim' tattooed across her face.
It's Saturday, I'm at work and I have a headache the size of Izbekistan. That asisde, I'm just fine. T'other evening after work, some colleague-chums and I availed ourselves of a nearby hostelry whereupon the conversation turned (after a discussion about sewing lasted for less than 9 seconds) to 'famous people wot I have met'.
It's quite surprising how many famous people we have all encountered over the years. A couple of er, highlights included someone who accidentally laid a hand on the royal bosom of Princess Caroline of Monaco, in a swimming pool; someone else who got to interview big-faced laugher - Brian("Gordon's alive!)"Blessed in a caravan; someone who once danced with Kylie Minogue for "about 5 seconds" and finally me, who once put a naan bread on the head of Joseph Fiennes (bruv of Ralph) during a meal at a curry house in Birmingham.
However, the award for the 'Most Crap And Tenuous Link To Someone Famous' was the person who's ex-boyfriend's auntie was once the P.A for Ken Dodd . How rubbish is that? Mind you, I came a close second with my thrilling account of seeing the back of Aled Jones' head as he stood on a pavement talking to a rozzer.
My esteemed Scottish coleague is, as I've mentioned before, something of a literary enigma. Despite this high-brow exterior, she also likes to 'dumb down' and join the rest of us from time to time.
A case in point is Harry Potter. She's a big fan of the bespectacled wizard (as am I)but not to the point of being an obsessive. Some people, however, are a little more enchanted by the whole H.P thing and love nothing more than to chat in online forums about anything and everything 'Potter'. There are a number of websites that encourage people to discuss the minutae of the books; the plot lines; the hidden meaning behind certain fragments of text; the many complex relationships and inter-relationships of the myriad characters and even to point out the tiniest mistakes which Ms Rowling has dared to make in her (so far), six tomes.
However, the more amusing reading comes when you encounter the chat forums where some of our American friends reside. Here are a couple of amusing Q&A's that my colleague discovered. One correspondent from Utah proclaimed that Hogwart's was definitely in England because "the train never crosses any water to get there". Someone from the UK replied that there are, actually, two little-known countries called Scotland and Wales which are connected by land, to England. Another cracker came from someone in Wyoming who declared that the Harry Potter books are "based in a country called Kent, which is near England". Bless our little chums across the pond.
Oh what do I know? I had no idea Paris was in Texas.
I loved it - the new 'Hot Fuzz' film with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead). Cracking action, humour and great gags. I loved the swear box with the list of rude words and their penalty. N*b was a 10p fine and I'm not going to mention the swear word which justified the £2 fine.
Nick Frost was hilarious as the country-bumpkin village bobby and I still laughed out loud at the fence jumping bit, although I'd seen it in the trailer loads of times. The massive shoot-out scene/s are just wonderful and I especially enjoyed the beautifully coiffured granny giving it the full bifters with the mother of all machine guns.
I could waffle on but it's accidentally now tomorrow (Wednesday) and I need some sleep. Suffice to say, a great action comedy with some truly memorable scenes. As well as some great dialogue uttered by Danny Butterman (Frost), including this question he asks Nicholas Angel (Pegg) as he's sitting in a classroom with a load schoolchildren:
Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?
OK, I just realised that it's Sunday and I've not posted since Wednesday! I'm glad my car is more reliable than I am. Honestly, I'm rubbish sometimes. However, I'm clean, loyal and can use the toilet.
Well anyway, here's a summary of my life over the last few days. On Friday we had some chums round. They're a great couple and we always have a jolly evening when they visit (or, indeed, when we visit them) full of good food, good drinks and great chitty-chatting. On Saturday, me and my wife headed out on a mission - to get my birthday boots. We were fantastically successful (see the pic of some boots just like mine) in that we got a £100 pair for just £50. Bargain. She's great at hunting out bargains. We also got the cat a new cat-blanket thing due to us having to throw the old one in the bin due to an excessive amount of cat vomit being dumped on it last week. I did try and wash it in a bucket, in the garden but it must have been some sort of nuclear sick because even proper washing powder couldn't shift it. What a cat.
Today's been a tad lazy. This is mainly due to the rather dismal weather. However, I did witness the Arsenal and Chelsea bods having some pagga during the League Cup final which, sadly, Chelsea won. I just get bored with them winning everything at the moment. Just wait until Birmingham get back in the Premiership. Er ...
I'll tell you all about my craptacular Tesco savings experience soon as well as an upcoming hair-related event. Oh yes. And, I've also decided to start posting a few stories from my childhood. Nothing amazing, just the usual stuff like how I nearly died, our mental, lorry-chasing dog, my head-in-a-bus-door trauma and my church-based trouser accident.
Hooray! It's like the bloody Maldives in our house now. The boiler is fixed and it didn't cost a penny. Boiler repairs is one of the dullest subjects known to man but when you've had no heating or hot water for a couple of days, it becomes a truly wonderful subject.
It was actually a tiny problem caused be, er, me. I should have checked the pressure on the boiler rather more than 3 times in two years. A simple thing but I forgot. Anyway, the boiler ended up with a bit of low pressure and .. and *yawn*... Anyway, the good news is that it's all fixed and working beautifully. The two chaps who came to sort it were great and a real credit to their company - Worcester Bosch. They got here dead early too. When I rang cuzzer services they came out with that standard (and dreaded) phrase "any time between 8am and 6pm". That always means hanging round the house for the whole day, only for them to arrive at 5.57pm. These chaps were different though. 8.24am they arrived. I was still in my pants. Mind you, I didn't greet them at the door in my trolleys, I did dress first. I'm no 'baked beaner'.
Well after a jolly half hour they were all done and they even gave the boiler a really good 'once over' before departing. Now being three blokes, at first, there was a lot of silence amongst us as one bloke checked the boiler, the other bloke checked the bloke checking the boiler and I checked the boiler-checker and the boiler-checker-checker. However, we soon found a common subject which resulted in some long, humorous and lively banter. Yes, we talked about footie. Fear not though dear reader, I won't re-live the football chit chat as I know some/most of you have no interest in 'the beautiful game' at all. Apart from the ELF Cup of course. Either way, the chaps and I had a good natter and I soon felt my feminine side evaporating. I didn't even offer them a cup of tea.
Suffice to say, the whole visit was very jolly and the blokes were really efficient and friendly. The other bonus of course was that our house no longer feels like 1970's East German warehouse in mid-winter and, apart from the cat vomitting this morning, the world now feels a whole lot warmer and more wonderful.
It's winter. It's cold. We have gas central heating. Our boiler broke. Oh dear. Well, actually, it's not such terrible news. I was just being dramatic in the hope of some sympathy. OK, here's the exciting details: yesterday morning we found that the boiler (a very compact 'combi' boiler) had cried during the night. There was a fair amount of water on the kitchen work surface, but not enough to make you shout "quick, run, tsunami!" Anyway, we had to switch the thing off to prevent anything serious happening to it and of course, as a result, off went the heating and the hot water.
The good news was (and is) that a) it's pretty mild this week (about 52F in the day and 48F at night) and b) we have an electric shower and c) a gas fire in the lounge. This is all very good news. So yes, the house is a a tad chilly but really not that bad at all. Anyway, I called a recommended plumber/boiler company and arranged for them to come and 'do their thang' on Weds morning. This was the earliest they could come out. We didn't bother to call the manufacturer as we'd had the boiler for nearly two years so it would be well out of warranty by now.
However, I decided to have a quick look at their website and discovered that they cover their boilers for 24 months. Tentatively, I called their cuzzer service department and joy of joys, they confirmed that it is still covered under the warranty. They are sending a little chap round tomorrow who will hopefully fix the leak and we'll be back in business. Obviously, I may well post tomorrow saying that it's all gone horribly wrong, will cost thousands and we'll have to make a camp fire out of the cat, just to keep warm. Oh well, either way, I'm off to have a lovely warm shower now.
It's my birthday today. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Of course there has to be a downside doesn't there? I'm working later on. Bugger. Never mind, I shall still be able to absorb the warm glow of love from family & friends. As part of my birthday indulgence, my wife has just zoomed off to Tesco to buy me some fake bacon so I can enjoy a luxury brekkie. Oh yes, I know how to live it up.
Prezzies this year are mainly in the form of cash (as requested by moi) cos I want to buy some funky walking boots so that we can go tramping over protected heathlands and enviromentally-delicate conservation areas whilst getting fit and healthy. Manky old trainers just don't cut it when your trudging through a peaty bog. Mind you, I haven't trudged through a peaty bog since I went on a miserable, November school trip to Wales in 1837.
Well now I'm 41 and all the hullaballoo of last year is but a distant memory. The only major event I have to look forward to now is being 50 in 9 years time ... er, that's a bit depressing so I'll not continue on that train of thought.
So happy birthday to me and to everyone else who has a birthday today: another Rich whom I work with, another chap with whom I work with, Paris Hilton, Barry Humphries, Norman Pace, Rene Russo, Patricia Routledge, Michael Jordan, Denise Richards, Ruth Rendell and Gene Pitney although Gene won't exactly be celebrating due to not being alive. Have a great birthday everyone, wherever you are.
All hail Ten Pin bowling. It's ball-chucking, lane-smashing, skittle-killing fun for everyone. But wait. Imagine your usual ten pin bowling experience with that added pizzazz of flashing, strobing, moving, multi-coloured lights, theatrical smoke and a thumping techno-beat. Oh yeah baby! You have Techno Ten Pin.
Four of us went bowling last night and we were expecting the bog standard (but fun) experience. However, as we waited to collect our oh-so-attractive, MegaBowl shoes, this huge, pounding beat started vibrating my vertebrae and we realised that something special was about to happen. Then all the lighting changed and we were plunged into a late 1980's techno dance club - but with balls.
It was fantastic. One big advantage was that the lighting and fake smoke hid the general tardiness and detritus that prevails in our local bowling alley. Also, it really made for some interesting bowling actions as you found yourself 'techno-ing' your way up the bowling lane before unleashing (at an average speed of 5.26 mph) your ball into the smoky, strobed abyss where the UV-lit skittles lurked. The whole atmosphere was fab and it obviously helped focus my mind just like Luke Skywalker's did when Obi-Wan was helping him nail the Death Star - "let the force be with you". Even at 5.26 mph. As a result I was victorious in both games (126 and 131) although I thrice failed to make a 'turkey' which is, apparently, 3 strikes in a row. Maybe I'll nail a turkey next time.
You can't beat a puff. Especially a crunchy, sweet-chilli flavoured one. I just bought a bag of these beauties from a deli and they are SO delicious. Unfortunately they cost £2 for the 150g bag, which is a tad pricey. Mind you, my gob is still experiencing a post-nookie style afterglow as a result of the passionate assault on my taste buds. Yum.
I've emailed the company - 'Olives Et Al' (click on the posting title for a link)to find out where else (other than the odd deli) they sell their stuff so I'll report back as soon as I get a reply. Maybe they'll see this posting and send me some free puffs.
Despite my last post, I'm not a miserable git. Hell no! I love my wife. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my cat. I love YOU dear reader. I love loving and I love love. I love being loved. I love the love of loves loving loveness with lovely love.
Well love is in the air today. However, me being me, I'm going to have a moan. Valentines day really annoys me. Why does love have to happen on 14th February? Why does love cost nine times as much on 14th February? Why are you called un-loving if you ignore 14th February?
Bloody commercialism. That's why.
My wife and I buy each other a card, just to prove that we haven't forgotten that it's 'Commercial Love Day' but we refuse to waste our money on buying massively over-priced flowers or having to endure that nightmare scenario of two hundred couples crammed into a grotty Pizza Express, trying to demonstrate their undying love for one another by ordering extra toppings for their 12 inchers.
Love and romance should happen spontaneously and naturally. Now this might sound like real bah-humbug stuff but it all seems so obvious. If you go for a romantic meal on 15th Febuary, you a) have a quiet romantic meal; b) enjoy the experience; c) did it because you felt like it; d) can afford to have a better quality wine and really treat yourselves. If you go on the 14th February, none of the above is true.
I feel special if something romantic happens to me on 23rd May or 7th October. Why? Because the date isn't the important thing - the gesture is what matters. Birthdays are different. They actually celebrate an event. And birth is a pretty big event. So keep sending the birthday cards. I dunno about Christmas. I'll rant about that another time.
So, let's see love flourish on every day of the year. Why not surprise the one you cherish on a day other than 14th February? Now that would truly be a sign of love. However, if you are celebrating today, then I hope you enjoy your chocolates, flowers, declaration of love, painted on a twenty foot banner, draped from a bridge, romantic dinner, edible underwear or whatever you have planned.
My mind's a blank 'cos I can't think of anything exciting to tell you so I've simply posted a photo that I took last week. Hope you like it and I promise to post some thrilling stuff as of next week. And for those of you that got 4 inches, lucky you.
We've been warned all week about the impending severe weather, in the form of snow, which was due to "blanket" much of England today. OK so some parts of the UK really did have enough snow to cause a bit of disruption but honestly! All the TV stations had reporters around the country telling us how "appalling" and "treacherous" conditions were as they stood next to completely snow-free roads full of cars zooming along without a care in the world. The snow was just melting immediately on the super-gritted roads and even away from the roads, the snow was only lying about 2cm deep. It was hilarious seeing these reporters trying their damnedest to make the whole thing look and sound exciting and dangerous, when it wasn't.
Of course at the slightest hint of snow, schools are shut, the trains get cancelled, airports close and traffic grinds to a halt for no reason. Sure, there really were some places that did get a massive (9cm) of snow but you'd think we'd just entered a bloody ice age. However, what really annoyed me was that we actually got bugger all. It 'snowed' for about 4 hours but it was that really crappy snow that looks like miniscule pieces of polystyrene. All it did was waft about for a bit, land and melt. Rubbish. We'd being getting ready for a white-out and all we got was a feeble sprinkling of icing sugar.
Yes I know you know. You know that I love my iMac. Now I don't want to get all computery (if that's not a word then it should be) on you but as you may or may not aware, there is a long history of rivalry, even naked aggression between PC users and Mac users. Personally I think people should just use which ever one they like (there's Linux too but that's just getting anal) and be happy with it.
However, Mac's are better.
No, sorry about that. There I go again. To be objective here, I use a Mac at home and a PC at work. For me, it's just a personal preference. I enjoy using my Mac and I don't especially enjoy PC's. And yes, I have run a PC at home for a few years in between Mac usage. I have a very dear friend of mine who got me all sorted (he built me one)with a PC and I was very grateful. It's just that ... I missed using a Mac and so, and I sort of 'retired' my PC to the loft two years ago where it still resides between the Xmas decorations and a box of photos. Sorry mate.
Anyway, the video here is the latest in Apple's Get A Mac campaign thing. I'm not going into all the PC v Mac bickering nonsense but I just had to put this ad up 'cos it really made me laugh. Whether or not it's fact or fiction, it definitely tickled my funnybone. Click on the title of this posting to go to the Apple ads directly. I hope you enjoy it for just being funny and not because it takes the urine out of Windows Vista.
I have forgotten to post for the last few days and there's only 10 mins left of Sunday. I had a work trauma on Saturday which was quite dramatic but as I don't tell you about my work (for reasons of international security) I can't divulge any more. Suffice to say it involved an ambulance, 400 people and me being the focus of much attention.
We went for a big walk today and it felt like summer. I even saw a butterfly. Honest to God. My wife and I feel super-chilled after 4 hours in the lovely, sunny countryside. My wife actually said that the unseasonably warm temperatures (caused by global warming) "made you feel better". Well that's that then. Always look on the bright side. Hope you like the photo - it's one I took today.
Yes it's all too true. The temperature outside my house at 1.31pm today was 55 degrees farenheit (12.7 C) which is, well, frankly wrong. Apparantly, this January was the warmest in the UK since 1916 which is before even I was born.
Now whilst these mild temperatures are a great way to save money on the old heating bills, it's not so good for the flora and fauna. We've already got flowers starting to emerge which aren't due to appear for another 6-8 weeks and only yesterday I saw a bee wafting around the herbacious borders. Now assuming that we do actually get a bit of proper winter soon, the bees and the daffs are going to get nailed by any hard frost that turns up. Not good news if your a bee or a flower.
Having thought about it, there was only one night in the whole of January where we had a frost. That's berserk. I also learned today that grass grows when the temperature is above 5 degrees C. And true to form, our grass is growing like mad. I'm actually going to have to do some mowing - in February! Well, if this is global warming, we'd better start getting used to some big changes and I don't just mean winter grass growth either. Things could get serious much earlier than the boffins have predicted and I don't believe we're ready for it. A sobering thought indeed.
Oh well, at least we'll save money on foreign holidays.
I just don't want to talk about it. Honestly. The other day we beat Newcastle United 5-1 at their place and tonight we lose 3-1 at home to bottom of the league Southend United. That's Southend United.
Anyway, aside from that gut-wrenching result, it's nice to welcome back some of my lovely readers who have returned to YBATYD after my short break.
At least you can rely on something/someone in this world...
You can't beat a good panto. Or can you? Oh yes you can, when it's an amateur panto. We had the pleasure of enjoying such an event on Saturday (the same day Birmingham were knocked out of the FA Cup by Reading)at a fabulous village hall. It was a performance of 'Treasure Island' which I never knew was a panto...
I really do admire people who do 'am dram' (amateur dramatics) especially as I have dabbled in the past. These productions are great because as well as some truly talented individuals you also get people who, er, really try their best. Actually, most of the enormous cast were OK, but bless 'em, the odd one or two were a little ropey. One lady did look like she'd just left work (at the accountancy firm) and walked straight on stage to 'act'. She looked terrified and her timid, rabbit-caught-in-headlights performance was a joy to behold. As was the severely stacatto delivery of another performer. It was supposed to be eccentric/amusing but just left most of the audience rather bemused.
Yet I mustn't mock. It really was a good show and all the mum's dad's and assorted relatives loved it. Mind you the whole thing had a weird effect on me because when I went to get my obligatory cup of village hall tea at the interval, for some unkown reason, I adopted an Australian accent. The woman who served me gave me a rather strange look, which wasn't suprising really because I said to her "G'day love. Any chance of a cuppa?". She just looked at me and said, flatly, "yes."
I apologise dear readers. I have been decidedly remiss in my postings recently. The main reason is that the super-busy 8 week period at work has just come to an end and so I'm still a little 'all over the place'. I'm truly sorry about that. Really.
So, my postings will now get back to their slightly more regular selves - even if I only have the usual, dull tripe to offer you. At least there'll be something for you to read while you dry you hair, re-wire that plug or remove some old toe jam from your feet.
Well, the big news today is that I'm sending something back. To explain, the hard drive on my luverly iMac is getting a teensy bit full. So a few weeks ago I started researching external hard drives. I told you, you'd be getting the same old tripe didn't I? Anyway, after much investigation, I found the one I wanted - a Western Digital 'My Book Pro' 500gb firewire/USB hard drive (see pic). It was a very reasonable £149 so I purchased the beast.
To cut a long story short, it was cack. It was cack because it didn't work. When I managed to get it to sort of work, it nearly killed my computer. Added to that, when I registered it online, I was informed that my warranty wouldn't be valid! I was not pleased. Honestly, at one point my iMac sounded like it was about to explode. I was so alarmed I nearly had a trouser movement (a bad one - round the back) until I unplugged the 'My Book' which clearly saved my iMac's life. Poor bugger.
Thus, it's about to be winging it's way back to whence it came. I've already got my replacement waiting in the wings (I'll make sure I get the first one refunded before I buy the next one) and just hope things work out better the second time around. I don't want another bad trouser movement experience.
Well it looks like winter has finally arrived here in Blighty. Sort of. This morning we have snow. To be more accurate, it's like someone has run round the streets with a bag of icing sugar and given everywhere the lightest dusting imaginable. So it's not exactly skiing weather but it is only the second time in the whole winter that the temperature has actually dropped to normal levels.
Weird. I suppose it's indicative of the ever-popular global-warming and if you think about it, it's hard to ignore. I've only had to scrape ice off my car twice since winter began. That's unheard of. In the newspaper the other day, they reported that the re had been a number of nighttime temperatures in December that were warmer than June, which is really bonkers.
Then we've been having all these stormy weeks full of wind and rain with 11 people being killed in the UK the other week as a direct result of the weather. Yet, until today, we've had no snow, ice or even cold temperatures for the whole of January. Surely that's not right.
As promised, here is a photo of me dressed as a woman (I'm on the right of course)during a little performance I was involved in on Friday night. The good news is that I didn't have to wear a bra. The bad news is - well, that's quite obvious from the photo really. Well, the show went very well and was seen by about 200 punters / victims who helped us raise £150 for charity, which was great. I can't tell you much else for legal reasons / protection of the innocent. Suffice to say, it wasn't exactly suitable for anyone under 18. Or over 18 for that matter. I learnt a phrase which I'd never heard before. And I'm 40 for God's sake. It's a sick world we live in, that's for sure.
Well I never. Not only am I finally better (five days of poorlyness) but I received a massive boost to aid my recovery, last night. I was already feeling more like my old self as I settled down to watch Birmingham take on Newcastle United in their FA Cup, third round replay. It was at Newcastle's place and as they are in the league above us and had won a great match at Spurs just a few days ago, my expectations were a tad on the low side.
I should not have worried. Birmingham ran out 5-1 winners! They were just magnificent and with every goal Blues scored, I just felt better and better. And to top it off, I've since learned that this was Newcastle's biggest home defeat in the Cup since 1914. How fantastic is that? If only you could get footie tickets on the NHS.
So that result has definitely lifted me out of the blues and now I can look forward to going back to work.
I can't do it. I can't stop doing my lovely, warm and joyful blog. OK, so it was only just under a week ago that I said I was having a break. Well the truth is, I was feeling just a tad bogged off and didn't believe I could keep YBATYD up to it's usual (low) standard. Maybe it was the January blues, maybe it was that mid-winter malaise or maybe it was trapped wind. Either way, I just couldn't muster my usual enthusiasm.
Well suffice to say that I've had quite a few people asking me to get back on the old computer and start serving up some more drivel/ramblings/rapier-witted observations. That was very nice of them, so thank you folks.
So, I thought "oh cobblers" I'll get posting again. And you know what? It feels great. The only thing is I can't remember what I've been doing in the past 6 days. I wish I'd never stopped the writing bloody blog now. One thing I can tell you is that soon I shall be doing something which I may regret. It involve me wearing women's clothes and saying lots of rude words. Let me just point out that this is not what I normally get up to. No really it isn't. However, if I have to wear a bra I'm a tad concerned as I don't know how to put one on. Apparently women sort of put it on back to front and then yank it round the front so that it's er, in the right place. I think I would favour the 'over yer head' method. Anyway, let's just hope I won't need one.
What the hell am I rambling on about? Oh well, never mind. As long as I'm writing something it's better than nothing isn't it?
After a bit of thought (unusual for me) I've decided it's time to give YBATYD a bit of a break. I'm pretty sure I'll return at some stage but for now, I think it's time to leave the blogosphere to other people.
Thanks for all the great feedback and comments you've submitted over the last year and I hope you enjoyed reading 'You're Born And Then You Die' during the last 150 posts. I've had great fun putting my thoughts down on 'paper' and would recommend it to anyone. So thanks again to anyone and everyone who has taken time to read all, some or even just one of my ramblings and maybe we'll meet up here again one day.
Come on don't be shy. I still want to know where you all are. Just the one response so far. Remember if you want to remain anonymous, that's fine because you can if you leave a comment. Just click on the word Comments underneath the posting and follow the simple instructions.
Oh how I'd love to know where in the world my readers are. It's OK, I'm not a stalker (anymore) so I don't need house numbers or ways in round the back .. er ... of your property. No, I'd just be interested to know the demographic location of you lovely people.
Wow, not much of a posting is it? However, it's an important one so make sure EVERYONE sends me a comment (or an email if you're shy - bornthendie@mac.com) and then we can see if I'm an international superstar or just a local yokel. Now I happen to know that some of you are wafting about on the high seas of the world, so don't let me down boys and girls wherever you are.
I just remembered this today. When I used to work at a large theme park I was issued with a fairly powerful radio (walkie-talkie) which I used to have to carry with me at all times. There were over a hundred people who had radios, so they were pretty commonplace. However, there were only a few of us who discovered a wonderful thing you could do with them.
I can't take the credit for this discovery myself, but I have to admit that it provided me with a huge number of giggles. OK, so here's what we used to do:
1. Go into the gents lav. 2. Enter a cubicle. 3. Wait for a victim to enter the gents. 4. Get your radio out. 5. Wait until the victim is in mid-flow (at the urinal) 6. Press the 'speak' button on your radio. 7. Suppress laughter as the radio causes the electric hand dryer to start blowing 8. Press the 'speak' button on your radio. 9. Suppress laughter as the hand dryer stops. 10. Repeat ad-infinitum whilst the victim becomes increasingly confused/scared.
I lost count of how many times I did this. Some bogs had cubicles you could just see out of which meant that you could time your transmissions to cause the most alarm to the victim. I don't know why it worked but I suppose the radio waves must have just triggered the sensor inside the hand dryer. Oh the fun you can have in a toilet ...
I was bored so I did this quiz-thing to see what superhero I was. Apparently I'm The Flash although it was a dead heat with Spiderman. I'd rather have been Spiderman because he's a hit with the ladies and The Flash just sounds like a pervert. I'm also not impressed with the yampy yellow wellies. I would be better off with a pair of sandals.
Life is full of ups and downs isn't it? We went to a really fun house party last night (that's New Year's Eve in case you're still hammered) and saw 2007 arrive in style. It wasn't a seriously late night as we were home by 2am. However, our fabulous cat Henry, was nowhere to be seen. Then we thought about it. The last time we'd seen the little fella was when we arrived back from doing a bit of shopping at 1.15pm that afternoon.
Now our cat is really, really great. He's nearly 5 and still very inquisitive which means he has more than used up his nine lives by now. The other thing about Henry is that he is very much a creature of habit, like many felines. So when we got home in the early hours of 2007 and he didn't appear from nowhere and trot at speed alongside our car, we knew he'd be in the house (via his groovy little catflap) waiting for some New Year food. As it turned out, he wasn't in the house either. We were fairly concerned but knew that he had done this sort of thing a couple of times before. However, what made the situation a little more unsettling was that he'd not been around since early afternoon. He never does that but realising there was nothing we could do at that time, we turned in for the night.
I didn't sleep well. I got up a couple of times in the night but Henry was nowhere to be found. By 8.30 we had both been awake for quite a while. We'd been calling for the cat and out the front and back doors but to no avail. Now I know it sounds a bit soft when people get upset over pets but hey, you give them plenty of love and affection over the years and of course you care about them. Suffice to say, the mood in the house was one of real sadness and sense that something really bad had happened to our cracking little (well large actually) cat.
I decided that I needed to do something, however pointless. I decided to drive round the neighbourhood, mainly to see if I could find any clues or, well, anything. I took my car keys and left the house. The morning was absolutely beautiful with a gorgeous blue sky and bright, winter sunshine. This made things seem all the worse somehow.
I opened the car door.
The bloody cat casually jumped off the driver's seat and out of the car, purring as he did so. I nearly died. The little fella was absolutely fine. We went straight back inside the house where he re-introduced himself to my wife. She was well chuffed. I was over the chuffing moon. He was pretty chuffed too when I gave him some tinned tuna for his breakfast. Then we started thinking about it. He'd obviously slipped into my car, unseen, when we got back from the shops the day before. The time now was 9.10am. That meant he'd been trapped inside my car for 20 hours. That's 20 hours with no food, water or anywhere to .... I ran straight back to the car to check for, er, 'gifts' left by the cat. Nothing. He'd not even had a sneaky tiddle. Bless him. Well, the cat is just fine and he has taken the whole thing in his stride - unlike us! I had to capture the moment though so - the photo above was taken just minutes after his dramatic return to freedom.
Hooray! You're Born And Then You Die is 1 year old today. I can't believe it's been a year since I did my very first posting. I'm also amazed that I've kept going this long. Today is posting number 145. That equates to an average of a posting every 3 days which I reckon is not bad at all.
In the last 12 months I've posted my thoughts on a huge variety of subjects including: football, trees, work, my wife, cars, poo, booze, relationships, the weather, my parents, lighthouses, being 40, Birmingham City, iPods, iMacs, flags, British barbeques, language, DIY, rozzers, the Simpsons, tennis, refrigeration, ballooning, the cat, mobile phones, shopping, Tony Blair, Greenland, fish & chips, dry cleaning, public transport, scissors, podcasting, zoos, holidays, burgers, pigeons, murder mystery, pears, Captain Pugwash, Citroen 2CV's, walking, false boobs, Hallowe'en, global warming, neck pain, Iceland, sheep, weddings, horses and carts, wee-wee, facelifts, computer games, nuclear testing, broadband, tinned fish, iTunes, Cricket, chestnuts, the ELF Cup, digital radio, car parking, being ill, food, arrogance, tiredness, plagiarism, movies Christmas and cheese.
Not bad eh? Mind you, one of the reasons I've kept YBATYD going is all the support I've had from my band of merry readers, especially those who give me feedback in emails and by posting comments. Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed. I really, really do appreciate your sterling efforts. If you haven't done so, do give the comments a read as there is some pure, golden wit to be found. Another thing you may like to try is the 'Lables' facility. Each posting is tagged with labels that connects posts with related content. I've tagged nearly every posting now so if you liked a posting on, say, gadgets or Greenland, then just click on the label under that posting and everything I've ever written on that subject will be presented to you in a flash. Go on, have a go.
Finally today, I'd like to say that YBATYD has been a real revelation to me. I never realised what a wonderful diary it would become. However, it's so much more than a diary because it contains the feedback and thoughts of people (some of whom I don't even know) who have actually read what I've written. I really like that because it's great to share your views with others and with a 'normal' diary you just don't get that outside input.
Well, as we teeter on the precipice of a new year, I hope you've all enjoyed reading YBATYD. I try to make it amusing, even funny on occasion, but tempered by realism. Heaven forefend that I should become a parody of myself. That would never do.
And so, dear readers, it's goodbye to 2006 and a Happy Birthday to YBATYD. See you next year!
I have had a problem with my iPod. I was getting the dreaded 'Error 48' which basically means that you cannot update your iPod from iTunes. Not only that, but all the album artwork gets jumbled up, photos won't display and ... and ...
Well anyway, I rang the friendly Apple technical support chaps and they fixed it for me. If anyone's actually interested, the solution is a temporary workaround until they issue some updated firmware for the iPod. Hooray.
So now my iPod is a happy gadget again and I am a happy chappie again. When my gadgets become poorly I get really hassled. Like I did when my iMac was unwell a while ago and like I did when my Xbox 360 felt unwell a few months back. So as you can see, my personal happiness is directly related to the well-being of just about any electronic, inanimate items that I own. Is that weird?
Oh who cares? I'm going to give my telly a cuddle.
Thanks to Kelvin (comment on previous post) regarding the film I was waffling on about yesterday. Yes indeed, it's Memento (2002) starring Guy Pearce. Of course I would have remembered it eventually. Possibly. I wonder if there are any other memory-loss-related films out there? Actually, I don't really care if I never see another amnesia-related movie.
I suppose it had to happen. Work. The weird thing is though that when I came back, everything was almost exactly the same as when I finished work on Saturday afternoon. Now that's both good and bad. It's good in that I was able to slide back into things without any problems. It's bad in that it made me feel like I'd never been away. It's almost like Xmas never happened.
Now feeling like something never happened has got me thinking about amnesia. There was great film I saw which was all about a bloke who lost his memory and had to piece his life back together bit by bit to find out how and why he murdered someone. The thing is, I can't remember the name of the bloody film. My wife will remember though.
She has an astonishing ability to recall characters, plots, sub-plots and actors from tons of films. She's also very good at watching films. By this I mean that even if something is evidently quite seriously crap, she'll just keep right on to the end. I don't think she's ever given up on a film, no matter how abysmal. Now, me, I'll happily press 'stop' on the old DVD player if the film is really poor, but not her. She'll carry stoically on to the bitter end regardless. I really do admire her fortitude.
She reminds me of a film critic. If you're a crtitic you simply have to watch movies in their entirety so that you can provide a full and detailed critique afterwards. So that's what my wife does, which is admirable but not always neccessary. For example after about 4 minutes of the 2002 film 'The Secretary', I was able to declare that it was indeed, crap. 100 minutes later my wife came to the same conclusion. And my point? I saved 100 minutes of my life. Yet, I must be fair. She often watches films that have had awful reviews or start off really badly but have actually turned out to be little crackers. So maybe she's right after all. Oh, I appear to be rambling. How did I get on to this subject? I can't remember.
Well Christmas is over for another year and as a result, the sales are already on. We're being inundated with ads on the telly for 'massive discounts on all sofas', 'huge price reductions on shagpile carpets' and 'amazing savings on all printers'. Oh the joys of retail mania. I don't know if any of you brave souls will be venturing out to DFS, Carpetrite or PC World today, 'cos I know I definitely won't be.
So if you're not going to be buying stuff you can't afford, maybe you'll be enjoying your Xmas pressies? I did really well on the gift front. My top pressies included 'Monty Python & The Holy Grail' on DVD (along with 'the Meaning of Life'); the new Bill Bryson book; some very funky new shoes, a Jamie Oliver 'flavour-shaker' and ... well, it can only be described as a suspiciously sexual-looking banana-holder. Just see the photo and we'll talk about it no more.
Well, as I type I'm having a Skype conference call with my two sisters (one in the UK and one in the USA) which is always an incredible experience. This is because my two sisters are loudest human beings on the planet. Really. However, I'm pretty loud too so when we are all talking at the same time, we can shatter windows and make birds drop out of the sky with no problem. If you add in various nieces, nephews and other relatives it can end up sounding like Krakatoa on steroids. It's just great to chat to everyone though.
Ah well, it's time to head off to some more in-laws now for yet more food and drink although unbelievably, I only drank one glass of wine yesterday. This must mean I'm not 100% well, which I'm not. And no, it's not man-flu either, before you ask. I'm sure I shall soldier manfully on despite my illness and suffering.
And I'll only get hammered to be polite. Obviously.
I can't stop - Chrismassy things to enjoy, so here's to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and I hope you have as much fun as I'm having. Full, present run-down soon, including my new shoooooes!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ....
This could be one of my shortest posts ever. I would just like to wish all my readers a very merry Christmas for tomorrow. Wherever you are in the world tonight, I just hope that your Christmas is a special, warm and loving time where you get a chance to experience the humanity of your fellow man. Even if it's just for one day out of the year - share some love with someone because ...
... you're born and then you die, so you may as well enjoy the bit in the middle.
I was driving to work this morning and I witnessed one of those delightfully random sights that make you feel so pleased that you own a pair of fully working eyeballs. Now in the photo above you can see a young chap using a 'diablo'. A diablo is one of those 'circus-skills' pieces of equipment that many people have tried but few have mastered - myself included.
The way it's supposed to work is that you hold a stick in each hand. They are connected by a length of string/twine upon which you place the plastic bit, shaped like two cups stuck together, on. Once it's sitting there you start moving the sticks up and down, alternately, so that the plastic 'cups' thing starts to spin. Once you get up some good speed you can then flick it into the air and then (and this is the hard bit) catch it on the string again as it comes back down. That's just the basic method and as you can tell, it's really pretty tricky to achieve. Once you get really competent you can do loads more, but just getting started is a real challenge.
So imagine my visual joy when I drove past this ancient bloke who was attempting to master the diablo, this morning. He must have been about 80. He was wearing a flat cap, cardigan and old trousers that didn't quite reach his ankles. He was standing on the pavement next to a busy main road at 8.55 am - with a bright orange diablo set.
I don't know if he'd escaped from somewhere or was just a sad, old circus grandad who was trying to re-live the glorious diablo-days of yesteryear ... on the pavement. Don't get me wrong though. He looked very happy and was obviously having a whale of a time.
Oh the fun you can have with two sticks, a bit of string and a lump of plastic.
I don't know who he or she is but I love them. If you don't know what Secret Santa is, it's one of those stupid ideas that got made up by someone, once upon a time that is still around now. And actually, it's not so stupid, it's actually quite nice and even good fun.
The idea is simple. At your place of work you pick a name of a colleague out of a hat, buy them a pressie worth about a fiver (or more if you work in London or Haverford West), wrap it and lob it in a box. On the big day, someone dresses up as the big, fat jolly fella and hands out the gifts. The thing is though, no-one knows who has bought which present. It's all very exciting, especially as some people get crap presents and others get truly wonderful ones.
Well, guess who got a wonderful one? Moi. Oh yes indeedy. I got a Birmingham City scarf and how chuffed was I? Very, extremely a lot chuffed. It's something I've been meaning to get for years as my old scarf died when I was about 16 and ever since I've always felt a bit naked in the neck department so this was the perfect gift. The only downside is that as I don't know who bought it for me, I can't thank them. Maybe they'll read this and then they'll now how really grateful I am. I wonder what I'll get next year?
Aaaarrggh! My God, I can be so unreliable sometimes. OK, enough of me going on and on about not posting much at the moment. I did say this would be the case a while ago, so in my defence, I did warn you, dear readers. There, I feel better now.
So Christmas is nearly upon us again. I feel a tad guilty as this year, a large proportion of the presents I've bought have been purchased either via the wonders of the Tinterweb or have been the 'safe' sorts of presents that require little or no planning / tortuous trips to every shop in town. However, I actually know that these gifts will be just what people want ... er, I hope so. Oh well, everyone finds a portable toilet seat warmer useful. Don't they?
I promised I'd give you some detail on some recent events. One of these was (one of) our office party(s) that we had at lunchtime last Friday. There was the interesting mix of extroverts, show-offs and professional drinkers on our table whilst all the other tables housed accountants, council workers and solicitors. We stuck out like the proverbial 'sore thumb' which is exactly the way I like it. God we were loud, especially when we won, by some miracle, the obligatory, festive 'pub quiz'. There were rumours that we had cheated by using Google on someone's mobile phone but the solicitors were obviously a bit crap as they failed to make the allegation stick. Ha!
The highlight of the whole 'do' was the drunken version of 'Oops Upside Your Head' performed by some of our most esteemed staff in front of a hundred or so stunned onlookers. This was at 2pm. That's 2pm. It's just a shame I had to go to work afterwards. On second thoughts...
If you can bear it, I'll be back soon with more excitement and tales of wonder from my fabulous world. Oh yes and in response to a comment - no I'm not the burly copper. I'm also not a cross-dressing, Welsh hermaphrodite with a penchant for pink leotards and lemming milk.
Sometimes I worry about me. This is one of those times.
Oh my God. I haven't posted for THREE days. I'm so sorry my loyal readers. I promise to get back on the straight and narrow immediately. My only excuse is that life/work is very busy right now and I'm immensely tired. OK, that's a crap excuse so I apologise for that as well.
Right, well as this is merely a grovelling apology, I'll write no more for now but I will write again tomorrow and let you know all about my amusing/bizarre Xmas 'do' at work, Birmingham's brilliant victory on Saturday and the ear-shattering pub band I had the er, joy of hearing tonight.
So don't despair, I shall return. Oh and I'll tell you about me, the drunk and the off-duty policeman on Saturday night. That's all I can think of for now but I shall furnish you with all the juicy details in the coming week. Oh and I have to 'sorry' yet again as I haven't had time to do my podcast which was due this weekend. I just can't cope with having to do all these things at once.
Apparently I'm a minority. I'm one in only 52 million people who have their own blog. I've just been reading about a report by some analysts that says that blogging is set to peak in 2007. Ooh, I hope I don't peak too early.
Anyway, the story (click the title of this posting to take you to the BBC site) says that "during the middle of next year the number of blogs will level out at about 100 million". However, what's more interesting is that according to the report by analysts Gartner, 200 million people had stopped writing their blogs. Now this got me thinking about this blog. Back on the 25th Jan 2006, I wrote in a posting about my blog fatigue, saying that the 'pressure' of having to come up with (hopefully) witty and interesting stuff regularly is actually quite pressurised. So I decided that I'd just post my thoughts when I felt like it and not when I felt I should. This made a big difference and in fact, I now blog every 1-2 days but if I have to leave it any longer, then that's OK by me.
So I suppose 2 million people just couldn't face the self-imposed pressure of writing stuff on a regular basis. A major factor for me keeping on writing, is the feedback (be it emails or comments), that I get from you, my loyal and lovely readers. It's provides me with a real incentive to continue my vague ramblings and inane thoughts.
So thank you for reading and remember: You're born and then you die, so you may as well enjoy the bit in the middle...
Alan Curbishley is a football manager. Today, he was announced as the new manager of Premiership team West Ham Utd. As well as being a manager, he was previously a player at several clubs including West Ham and Birmingham City. I remember watching him play for the Blues back in the early 1980's.
It was also at this time that I used to insist that my mum should learn all the names of the Blues players. This was so I could impress my mates with my mum's excellent footie knowledge. Ha, it makes me laugh just recalling the hours she spent pretending to be thrilled at having to learn all these blokes names. However, she did so with gusto and my mates all thought she was dead cool and a credit to mum's around the world. Well, the village anyway.
So imagine my surprise and joy when I received a text message from her yesterday saying "Didn't Alan Curbishley, proposed manager of West Ham, used to play for Birmingham?" Obviously I fired off a speedy response in the affirmative, adding that I was well impressed with her knowledge. So, if Alan's mum ever reads this I hope she realises just how memorable her little lad has become.
Following on from a previous post and due to popular demand, here is a photo of our neighbour's magnificent light display. The photo just cannot do it justice but believe me, the flashing-ness has to be seen to be believed. We love it. Click on the photo for a larger (grainy I'm afraid) version.
Just had a really great weekend and it was great because we saw some of our friends. On Friday we went to see two people who we always love going to see. You can always tell when you get on with someone when you feel like you're just going into another room in your house. I like that feeling.
Whilst we were there, aside from all the usual stuff - eating and drinking, we also played this DVD pub quiz game. Oh hilarity abounded. Why? Well most of the questions were completely impossible to answer. Questions like 'The first television broadcast was in which year? 1915, 1924, 1926, 1929'. Er.... There was another question that asked what relation someone whom we'd never heard of was to someone else we'd never heard of. Tricky. So the whole thing became lesson in guesswork and thus, the game was the winner. Thank God for alcohol.
On Saturday we went to see some other friends and their beautiful 5 month-old baby girl. She's a right looker even with a chin full of dribble and, as they say, will one day break a thousand hearts. Bless her. Babies are great. They do such random things like laughing, crying and vomiting. She did two out of three as crying ain't really in her repertoire which is quite unusual for a baby. It must be her wonderful parents influence.
I learnt one new and disturbing fact about babies on that night. Apparently it's really easy for milk to find it's way into the folds of skin round the little 'uns neck when it's very young. This milk build up can go un-noticed until bathtime by which time it's magically turned into a form of soft cheese. Oh my God! Mind you, if you've run out of Dairylea ...
Sorry about that last comment. The weekend was also the time to out up the old Xmas decorations and erect the magnificent tree (Homebase £39.99 last year). So now it all looks dead festive although I'm on the hunt for some outdoor fairy lights seeing as how we have Blackpool illuminations over the road, I don't want to feel left out. I strongly believe that whatever lighting I put up, it will still pale into insignificance when stacked up against our neighbours amazing display.
Maybe I'll just wrap some tinsel round the drainpipe.
I was talking the other day about the lack of severe weather recently. Now I'm not advocating meteorologically-induced death and destruction, just a bit of flooding, heavy snow or strong winds. Strong winds, yes but surely not tornadoes? Well, as you may or may not know, we do get a few 'tornadoes' in the UK each year although these tend to be ickle, teensy-weensy efforts that may just manage to lift a bobble hat off a toddler or whip a stray raspberry from an outdoor trifle. However we don't usually get full bifters tornadoes like the one that hit part of London the other day.
OK, so it's not quite the F5 tornado that nailed Oklahoma a few years back but it was still pretty impressive by UK standards. However, being England, there had to be a funny side. I was watching the news and they were reporting on the whole thing. They were interviewing eye witnesses and most people were quietly saying how shocking and unbelievable it all was. Suddenly this mad Londoner appeared. She was very excited and was describing this "major tornado". The best bit was when she said the following (picture it - eyes wide, hair all over the place and talking like a rabid goat-herder)- "... it was so loud and you could hear the wind rushing through the house ... it sounded like the doors were going to be ripped off and they nearly were!" Brilliant. 'The doors were ripped off'. No-one died, her house wasn't torn from it's foundations but a door nearly came adrift from it's frame.
No, I'm not talking about the return of Jesus or my alternative, weekend persona - Cassandra. I'm talking about that oh so bizarre phenomenon that is the online, virtual 3D world with over a million 'residents,. I've heard a lot about it in recent weeks and was intrigued to find out what all the fuss was aboutand I took my first tentative steps into this other world today.
It's actually quite an overwhelming experience. Yeah, I know that sounds a bit odd/dramatic/geeky but it's true. The first thing I must say is that Second Life (SL) is NOT a game. It's a whole 'world' filled with virtual people who are created by real people. You can choose to look however you like (200 tweaks can be made) and you can change your appearance whenever you wish. So what do you actually do there? Chat, communicate, share experiences, fly (yes you can fly), build homes, set up businesses - anyting you can do in the real world and a whole lot more.
What's really amazing is that although everything in SL is virtual, there's plenty of real money involved. I haven't learnt all the details yet but I do know that in SL is a virtual currency called the Linden dollar. You can buy virtual dollars with real-world cash. You use this money to buy and rent land, build property and a myriad other services. There are even real-life companies existing in SL. Companies such as Adidas, Dell (you can buy a real PC there), MTV, Reuters, Toyota and the BBC who recreated the 2006 One Big Weekend event on a 64 acre virtual island! Just to demonstrate how big this whole SL thing is, in September 06 the Second Life economy generated US$3,596,674 in economic activity and as of September 2006 Second Life was reported to have a GDP of $64 Million. However, I'm not interested in any of that right now.
Alas, I have absolutely nothing of note to say today but I thought I should at least 'check in' so that you don't get all worried and think I've run away to join the circus or become a driving instructor in Laos.
Sad but true. I'm excited about a carpet. Let's be honest though, our gorgeous new bit of floorware has not only been laid perfectly, but it looks the canine's love-spuds to boot. The photo shows the carpety lovliness sans furniture, in all it's glory. And the best bit? It's not royal blue. Yes, our previous carpet was a deep and disturbing blue. Blue, like the sea. Sometimes, when we were sitting on our sofa, it felt like we were on cross-channel ferry.
I don't usually rob stories off the Tinterweb but this one made me laugh. A 47 year old woman from Wales was caught by a speeding camera doing 41mph on a 30mph road. The problem was that she had only got a provisional licence which meant she was going to be in a bit of bother. So what did she do?
It's Saturday, I'm at work and I have a headache the size of Izbekistan. That asisde, I'm just fine. T'other evening after work, some colleague-chums and I availed ourselves of a nearby hostelry whereupon the conversation turned (after a discussion about sewing lasted for less than 9 seconds) to 'famous people wot I have met'. 
My esteemed Scottish coleague is, as I've mentioned before, something of a literary enigma. Despite this high-brow exterior, she also likes to 'dumb down' and join the rest of us from time to time.
I loved it - the new 'Hot Fuzz' film with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead). Cracking action, humour and great gags. I loved the swear box with the list of rude words and their penalty. N*b was a 10p fine and I'm not going to mention the swear word which justified the £2 fine.
OK, I just realised that it's Sunday and I've not posted since Wednesday! I'm glad my car is more reliable than I am. Honestly, I'm rubbish sometimes. However, I'm clean, loyal and can use the toilet.
Hooray! It's like the bloody Maldives in our house now. The boiler is fixed and it didn't cost a penny. Boiler repairs is one of the dullest subjects known to man but when you've had no heating or hot water for a couple of days, it becomes a truly wonderful subject.
It's winter. It's cold. We have gas central heating. Our boiler broke. Oh dear. Well, actually, it's not such terrible news. I was just being dramatic in the hope of some sympathy. OK, here's the exciting details: yesterday morning we found that the boiler (a very compact 'combi' boiler) had cried during the night. There was a fair amount of water on the kitchen work surface, but not enough to make you shout "quick, run, tsunami!" Anyway, we had to switch the thing off to prevent anything serious happening to it and of course, as a result, off went the heating and the hot water.
It's my birthday today. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Of course there has to be a downside doesn't there? I'm working later on. Bugger. Never mind, I shall still be able to absorb the warm glow of love from family & friends. As part of my birthday indulgence, my wife has just zoomed off to Tesco to buy me some fake bacon so I can enjoy a luxury brekkie. Oh yes, I know how to live it up.
All hail Ten Pin bowling. It's ball-chucking, lane-smashing, skittle-killing fun for everyone. But wait. Imagine your usual ten pin bowling experience with that added pizzazz of flashing, strobing, moving, multi-coloured lights, theatrical smoke and a thumping techno-beat. Oh yeah baby! You have Techno Ten Pin.
You can't beat a puff. Especially a crunchy, sweet-chilli flavoured one. I just bought a bag of these beauties from a deli and they are SO delicious. Unfortunately they cost £2 for the 150g bag, which is a tad pricey. Mind you, my gob is still experiencing a post-nookie style afterglow as a result of the passionate assault on my taste buds. Yum.
Despite my last post, I'm not a miserable git. Hell no! I love my wife. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my cat. I love YOU dear reader. I love loving and I love love. I love being loved. I love the love of loves loving loveness with lovely love.
Well love is in the air today. However, me being me, I'm going to have a moan. Valentines day really annoys me. Why does love have to happen on 14th February? Why does love cost nine times as much on 14th February? Why are you called un-loving if you ignore 14th February?
My mind's a blank 'cos I can't think of anything exciting to tell you so I've simply posted a photo that I took last week. Hope you like it and I promise to post some thrilling stuff as of next week. And for those of you that got 4 inches, lucky you.
We've been warned all week about the impending severe weather, in the form of snow, which was due to "blanket" much of England today. OK so some parts of the UK really did have enough snow to cause a bit of disruption but honestly! All the TV stations had reporters around the country telling us how "appalling" and "treacherous" conditions were as they stood next to completely snow-free roads full of cars zooming along without a care in the world. The snow was just melting immediately on the super-gritted roads and even away from the roads, the snow was only lying about 2cm deep. It was hilarious seeing these reporters trying their damnedest to make the whole thing look and sound exciting and dangerous, when it wasn't.
I have forgotten to post for the last few days and there's only 10 mins left of Sunday. I had a work trauma on Saturday which was quite dramatic but as I don't tell you about my work (for reasons of international security) I can't divulge any more. Suffice to say it involved an ambulance, 400 people and me being the focus of much attention.
Yes it's all too true. The temperature outside my house at 1.31pm today was 55 degrees farenheit (12.7 C) which is, well, frankly wrong. Apparantly, this January was the warmest in the UK since 1916 which is before even I was born.
I just don't want to talk about it. Honestly. The other day we beat Newcastle United 5-1 at their place and tonight we lose 3-1 at home to bottom of the league Southend United. That's Southend United.
You can't beat a good panto. Or can you? Oh yes you can, when it's an amateur panto. We had the pleasure of enjoying such an event on Saturday (the same day Birmingham were knocked out of the FA Cup by Reading)at a fabulous village hall. It was a performance of 'Treasure Island' which I never knew was a panto...
I apologise dear readers. I have been decidedly remiss in my postings recently. The main reason is that the super-busy 8 week period at work has just come to an end and so I'm still a little 'all over the place'. I'm truly sorry about that. Really.
Well it looks like winter has finally arrived here in Blighty. Sort of. This morning we have snow. To be more accurate, it's like someone has run round the streets with a bag of icing sugar and given everywhere the lightest dusting imaginable. So it's not exactly skiing weather but it is only the second time in the whole winter that the temperature has actually dropped to normal levels.
As promised, here is a photo of me dressed as a woman (I'm on the right of course)during a little performance I was involved in on Friday night. The good news is that I didn't have to wear a bra. The bad news is - well, that's quite obvious from the photo really. Well, the show went very well and was seen by about 200 punters / victims who helped us raise £150 for charity, which was great. I can't tell you much else for legal reasons / protection of the innocent. Suffice to say, it wasn't exactly suitable for anyone under 18. Or over 18 for that matter. I learnt a phrase which I'd never heard before. And I'm 40 for God's sake. It's a sick world we live in, that's for sure.
Well I never. Not only am I finally better (five days of poorlyness) but I received a massive boost to aid my recovery, last night. I was already feeling more like my old self as I settled down to watch Birmingham take on Newcastle United in their FA Cup, third round replay. It was at Newcastle's place and as they are in the league above us and had won a great match at Spurs just a few days ago, my expectations were a tad on the low side.
Going to the doctor's this morning. Tried to go to work yesterday but failed to survive 2 hours. 
I'm ill. Been in bed for two days (Saturday and today) and feel worse than yesterday. Back to bed now.
I can't do it. I can't stop doing my lovely, warm and joyful blog. OK, so it was only just under a week ago that I said I was having a break. Well the truth is, I was feeling just a tad bogged off and didn't believe I could keep YBATYD up to it's usual (low) standard. Maybe it was the January blues, maybe it was that mid-winter malaise or maybe it was trapped wind. Either way, I just couldn't muster my usual enthusiasm.
After a bit of thought (unusual for me) I've decided it's time to give YBATYD a bit of a break. I'm pretty sure I'll return at some stage but for now, I think it's time to leave the blogosphere to other people.
Come on don't be shy. I still want to know where you all are. Just the one response so far. Remember if you want to remain anonymous, that's fine because you can if you leave a comment. Just click on the word Comments underneath the posting and follow the simple instructions.
Oh how I'd love to know where in the world my readers are. It's OK, I'm not a stalker (anymore) so I don't need house numbers or ways in round the back .. er ... of your property. No, I'd just be interested to know the demographic location of you lovely people.
I just remembered this today. When I used to work at a large theme park I was issued with a fairly powerful radio (walkie-talkie) which I used to have to carry with me at all times. There were over a hundred people who had radios, so they were pretty commonplace. However, there were only a few of us who discovered a wonderful thing you could do with them.
I was bored so I did this quiz-thing to see what superhero I was. Apparently I'm The Flash although it was a dead heat with Spiderman. I'd rather have been Spiderman because he's a hit with the ladies and The Flash just sounds like a pervert. I'm also not impressed with the yampy yellow wellies. I would be better off with a pair of sandals. 
Life is full of ups and downs isn't it? We went to a really fun house party last night (that's New Year's Eve in case you're still hammered) and saw 2007 arrive in style. It wasn't a seriously late night as we were home by 2am. However, our fabulous cat Henry, was nowhere to be seen. Then we thought about it. The last time we'd seen the little fella was when we arrived back from doing a bit of shopping at 1.15pm that afternoon.
Hooray! You're Born And Then You Die is 1 year old today. I can't believe it's been a year since I did my very first posting. I'm also amazed that I've kept going this long. Today is posting number 145. That equates to an average of a posting every 3 days which I reckon is not bad at all.
I have had a problem with my iPod. I was getting the dreaded 'Error 48' which basically means that you cannot update your iPod from iTunes. Not only that, but all the album artwork gets jumbled up, photos won't display and ... and ...
Thanks to Kelvin (comment on previous post) regarding the film I was waffling on about yesterday. Yes indeed, it's Memento (2002) starring Guy Pearce. Of course I would have remembered it eventually. Possibly. I wonder if there are any other memory-loss-related films out there? Actually, I don't really care if I never see another amnesia-related movie. 
I suppose it had to happen. Work. The weird thing is though that when I came back, everything was almost exactly the same as when I finished work on Saturday afternoon. Now that's both good and bad. It's good in that I was able to slide back into things without any problems. It's bad in that it made me feel like I'd never been away. It's almost like Xmas never happened. 
Well Christmas is over for another year and as a result, the sales are already on. We're being inundated with ads on the telly for 'massive discounts on all sofas', 'huge price reductions on shagpile carpets' and 'amazing savings on all printers'. Oh the joys of retail mania. I don't know if any of you brave souls will be venturing out to DFS, Carpetrite or PC World today, 'cos I know I definitely won't be. 
I can't stop - Chrismassy things to enjoy, so here's to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and I hope you have as much fun as I'm having. Full, present run-down soon, including my new shoooooes!
This could be one of my shortest posts ever. I would just like to wish all my readers a very merry Christmas for tomorrow. Wherever you are in the world tonight, I just hope that your Christmas is a special, warm and loving time where you get a chance to experience the humanity of your fellow man. Even if it's just for one day out of the year - share some love with someone because ...
I was driving to work this morning and I witnessed one of those delightfully random sights that make you feel so pleased that you own a pair of fully working eyeballs. Now in the photo above you can see a young chap using a 'diablo'. A diablo is one of those 'circus-skills' pieces of equipment that many people have tried but few have mastered - myself included.
I don't know who he or she is but I love them. If you don't know what Secret Santa is, it's one of those stupid ideas that got made up by someone, once upon a time that is still around now. And actually, it's not so stupid, it's actually quite nice and even good fun.
Oh my God. I haven't posted for THREE days. I'm so sorry my loyal readers. I promise to get back on the straight and narrow immediately. My only excuse is that life/work is very busy right now and I'm immensely tired. OK, that's a crap excuse so I apologise for that as well.
Apparently I'm a minority. I'm one in only 52 million people who have their own blog. I've just been reading about a report by some analysts that says that blogging is set to peak in 2007. Ooh, I hope I don't peak too early. 
Alan Curbishley is a football manager. Today, he was announced as the new manager of Premiership team West Ham Utd. As well as being a manager, he was previously a player at several clubs including West Ham and Birmingham City. I remember watching him play for the Blues back in the early 1980's. 
Following on from a previous post and due to popular demand, here is a photo of our neighbour's magnificent light display. The photo just cannot do it justice but believe me, the flashing-ness has to be seen to be believed. We love it. Click on the photo for a larger (grainy I'm afraid) version.
Just had a really great weekend and it was great because we saw some of our friends. On Friday we went to see two people who we always love going to see. You can always tell when you get on with someone when you feel like you're just going into another room in your house. I like that feeling. 
I was talking the other day about the lack of severe weather recently. Now I'm not advocating meteorologically-induced death and destruction, just a bit of flooding, heavy snow or strong winds. Strong winds, yes but surely not tornadoes? Well, as you may or may not know, we do get a few 'tornadoes' in the UK each year although these tend to be ickle, teensy-weensy efforts that may just manage to lift a bobble hat off a toddler or whip a stray raspberry from an outdoor trifle. However we don't usually get full bifters tornadoes like the one that hit part of London the other day.
No, I'm not talking about the return of Jesus or my alternative, weekend persona - Cassandra. I'm talking about that oh so bizarre phenomenon that is the online, virtual 3D world with over a million 'residents,. I've heard a lot about it in recent weeks and was intrigued to find out what all the fuss was aboutand I took my first tentative steps into this other world today. 
