Christmas, cars and cash

Yeah, yeah. I know. I have become the Internet's most inconsistent blogger ... possibly. Well, it's been sort of busy this month. My work is mental right now and I'm working some pretty long days where I have to be nice to moaning people and behave as if I'm having the most fun a human being can have. Yay.

Anyway, I forgot to blog over Xmas itself so sorry and Happy Xmas! Better late than never I say. Unless you're talking about a kidney transplant which is actually better sooner rather than later.

I digress. Christmas was very jolly and my wife adores her new iPod Nano which I bought her. In fact she covets it rather like a lioness with a new cub but with less growling and picking it up in her mouth. Anyway, I enjoyed spending my cash on my family and friends. 'Cash for kindness' I like to think of it as.

Boxing Day was a joy too. I worked a ten hour day. At least there were plenty of other poor sods working too which cheered me up no end. God, I sound like a right miserable bastard don't I? My apologies. It must be my age. 41 is one of those ages that's neither here nor there. It's not "the big 4-0" and it's not even mid-forties. It's sort "the big 4-0 plus one. Mind you, I'm quite keen on being an anonymous age. I think I'll become even keener as I get older.

So that's Christmas and cash mentioned. What about the car? Well driving home from worl last night my car developed a very alarming and serious-sounding noise from around the front wheel/suspension area. It's a hard sound to describe but it reminded me of a metal tin full of bolts and bits of piping, being shaken with fervour every time I went over a bump in the road. I'm no mechanic, but I'm sure this is not a good noise. Furthermore, I'm fairly confident that it's an expensive noise. Yay again.

I shall keep you posted on the situation. Rest assured, it's going to be bad news and very costly news. Which is a good thing ... for you. You see, although we don't like to admit it, other people's misfortune often makes us feel better. It's that "well it could be worse, I could be in his/her situation. It's the sort of thing you say when you get a slightly higher than expected gas bill, only to then see a news item where some poor bugger's house has just blown up following a gas leak. You get the idea.

So dear reader, my festive cheer to you is the gift of my vehicular misery. Whatever traumas or stresses you've had over Xmas, just wait until you hear about my car. That will put a smile on your face as the year draws to a close. I hope my Vauxhall-inspired misfortune brings you joy!

Yay again ... again.

It's Xmas. Go Elf yourself!

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1594926865

Back to work

I suppose it had to happen. Work. The weird thing is though that when I came back, everything was almost exactly the same as when I finished work on Saturday afternoon. Now that's both good and bad. It's good in that I was able to slide back into things without any problems. It's bad in that it made me feel like I'd never been away. It's almost like Xmas never happened.

Now feeling like something never happened has got me thinking about amnesia. There was great film I saw which was all about a bloke who lost his memory and had to piece his life back together bit by bit to find out how and why he murdered someone. The thing is, I can't remember the name of the bloody film. My wife will remember though.

She has an astonishing ability to recall characters, plots, sub-plots and actors from tons of films. She's also very good at watching films. By this I mean that even if something is evidently quite seriously crap, she'll just keep right on to the end. I don't think she's ever given up on a film, no matter how abysmal. Now, me, I'll happily press 'stop' on the old DVD player if the film is really poor, but not her. She'll carry stoically on to the bitter end regardless. I really do admire her fortitude.

She reminds me of a film critic. If you're a crtitic you simply have to watch movies in their entirety so that you can provide a full and detailed critique afterwards. So that's what my wife does, which is admirable but not always neccessary. For example after about 4 minutes of the 2002 film 'The Secretary', I was able to declare that it was indeed, crap. 100 minutes later my wife came to the same conclusion. And my point? I saved 100 minutes of my life. Yet, I must be fair. She often watches films that have had awful reviews or start off really badly but have actually turned out to be little crackers. So maybe she's right after all. Oh, I appear to be rambling. How did I get on to this subject? I can't remember.

Oh yes, amnesia. Er..

Blogging on Boxing Day

Well Christmas is over for another year and as a result, the sales are already on. We're being inundated with ads on the telly for 'massive discounts on all sofas', 'huge price reductions on shagpile carpets' and 'amazing savings on all printers'. Oh the joys of retail mania. I don't know if any of you brave souls will be venturing out to DFS, Carpetrite or PC World today, 'cos I know I definitely won't be.

So if you're not going to be buying stuff you can't afford, maybe you'll be enjoying your Xmas pressies? I did really well on the gift front. My top pressies included 'Monty Python & The Holy Grail' on DVD (along with 'the Meaning of Life'); the new Bill Bryson book; some very funky new shoes, a Jamie Oliver 'flavour-shaker' and ... well, it can only be described as a suspiciously sexual-looking banana-holder. Just see the photo and we'll talk about it no more.

Well, as I type I'm having a Skype conference call with my two sisters (one in the UK and one in the USA) which is always an incredible experience. This is because my two sisters are loudest human beings on the planet. Really. However, I'm pretty loud too so when we are all talking at the same time, we can shatter windows and make birds drop out of the sky with no problem. If you add in various nieces, nephews and other relatives it can end up sounding like Krakatoa on steroids. It's just great to chat to everyone though.

Ah well, it's time to head off to some more in-laws now for yet more food and drink although unbelievably, I only drank one glass of wine yesterday. This must mean I'm not 100% well, which I'm not. And no, it's not man-flu either, before you ask. I'm sure I shall soldier manfully on despite my illness and suffering.

And I'll only get hammered to be polite. Obviously.

Merry Christmas!

I can't stop - Chrismassy things to enjoy, so here's to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and I hope you have as much fun as I'm having. Full, present run-down soon, including my new shoooooes!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ....

My Christmas Eve message

This could be one of my shortest posts ever. I would just like to wish all my readers a very merry Christmas for tomorrow. Wherever you are in the world tonight, I just hope that your Christmas is a special, warm and loving time where you get a chance to experience the humanity of your fellow man. Even if it's just for one day out of the year - share some love with someone because ...

... you're born and then you die, so you may as well enjoy the bit in the middle.

Thank you Secret Santa

I don't know who he or she is but I love them. If you don't know what Secret Santa is, it's one of those stupid ideas that got made up by someone, once upon a time that is still around now. And actually, it's not so stupid, it's actually quite nice and even good fun.

The idea is simple. At your place of work you pick a name of a colleague out of a hat, buy them a pressie worth about a fiver (or more if you work in London or Haverford West), wrap it and lob it in a box. On the big day, someone dresses up as the big, fat jolly fella and hands out the gifts. The thing is though, no-one knows who has bought which present. It's all very exciting, especially as some people get crap presents and others get truly wonderful ones.

Well, guess who got a wonderful one? Moi. Oh yes indeedy. I got a Birmingham City scarf and how chuffed was I? Very, extremely a lot chuffed. It's something I've been meaning to get for years as my old scarf died when I was about 16 and ever since I've always felt a bit naked in the neck department so this was the perfect gift. The only downside is that as I don't know who bought it for me, I can't thank them. Maybe they'll read this and then they'll now how really grateful I am. I wonder what I'll get next year?

Birmingham City pants maybe?

Too busy?

Aaaarrggh! My God, I can be so unreliable sometimes. OK, enough of me going on and on about not posting much at the moment. I did say this would be the case a while ago, so in my defence, I did warn you, dear readers. There, I feel better now.

So Christmas is nearly upon us again. I feel a tad guilty as this year, a large proportion of the presents I've bought have been purchased either via the wonders of the Tinterweb or have been the 'safe' sorts of presents that require little or no planning / tortuous trips to every shop in town. However, I actually know that these gifts will be just what people want ... er, I hope so. Oh well, everyone finds a portable toilet seat warmer useful. Don't they?

I promised I'd give you some detail on some recent events. One of these was (one of) our office party(s) that we had at lunchtime last Friday. There was the interesting mix of extroverts, show-offs and professional drinkers on our table whilst all the other tables housed accountants, council workers and solicitors. We stuck out like the proverbial 'sore thumb' which is exactly the way I like it. God we were loud, especially when we won, by some miracle, the obligatory, festive 'pub quiz'. There were rumours that we had cheated by using Google on someone's mobile phone but the solicitors were obviously a bit crap as they failed to make the allegation stick. Ha!

The highlight of the whole 'do' was the drunken version of 'Oops Upside Your Head' performed by some of our most esteemed staff in front of a hundred or so stunned onlookers. This was at 2pm. That's 2pm. It's just a shame I had to go to work afterwards. On second thoughts...

If you can bear it, I'll be back soon with more excitement and tales of wonder from my fabulous world. Oh yes and in response to a comment - no I'm not the burly copper. I'm also not a cross-dressing, Welsh hermaphrodite with a penchant for pink leotards and lemming milk.

Sometimes I worry about me. This is one of those times.

Xmas lights

Following on from a previous post and due to popular demand, here is a photo of our neighbour's magnificent light display. The photo just cannot do it justice but believe me, the flashing-ness has to be seen to be believed. We love it. Click on the photo for a larger (grainy I'm afraid) version.

Let there be light ...

Hello December

Oooh slap my thighs and go to the foot of our stairs. Haven't I been remiss? No postings for two whole days. I think I may have contravened the International Blogging Code of Conduct, section 228k, sub-section 9, paragraph d, point 11a (revised) which states that "the blogger shall, notwithstanding acts of God; force majeure; actual or attempted terrorist actions; flood, fire, earthquake, volcanic eruption, hurricane, tornado, stiff breeze or lack of interest, ensure that a posting (henceforth referred to as 'a posting') shall be actioned on a daily basis insofar and without prejudice, it is feasible and safe (without contravention of local and/or global health & safety regulations) to do so."

So I apologise.

Well, what's happened in those 'missing' days? Well my Xbox 360 returned from Microsoft's repair centre, somewhere in deepest southern England into my excited, sweaty little mitts. Er, that's about it other than to mention our fantastic neighbours over the road who yesterday switched on their absolutely wonderful Christmas lights. They are a joy to behold and I shall endeavour to get a photo for you all soon. I assure you, it'll be worth the wait.

So December is here and that means the festive season is now definitely upon us. Mind you, just about every retail outlet in the land seems to think we want to start buying Christmas presents in bloody September. I really hate that. It's nearly as bad as the January sales that actually start 14 seconds after Christmas day. And don't get me started on Easter.

Prepare for the 'January-Easter-Xmas-Passover-Diwali bonanza sale special'

So tired

I must be getting old. Oh, I am. I feel so tired after working over the weekend and am struggling to wake up this morning. Never mind, I've got work later so that should do the trick. Yay.

When you're tired, everything seems a real effort so you can imagine my dismay when I just remembered that Christmas is on the way. This of course means present-buying and card-sending which are two things I absolutely detest. What's worse, I know so many people who have already started the whole process and I've heard of two people who have finished (I'll say that again) finished their Christmas shopping already. What? Do these people have their own graves dug - ready and waiting as well?

So the thought of the impending festive trauma is making me feel even more tired now. Therefore I propose to eat some late breakfast and then watch telly whilst returning to a semi-comotose state before I have to do the work thing again.

Wow. Life's a ball ain't it?

The big purchase

OK, so yesterday I went to buy a something with my Xmas vouchers - from the supermarket. I know, I know but read the posting from yesterday and it explains it all. Well sort of. Anyway, what did I buy? A book. I still have 75% of my money left. I failed to treat myself! Surely that's impossible. But no, I succeeded in failing. How brilliant is that?

Today though I truly have succeeded in using Xmas vouchers by actually buying things. It's quite sad how pleased I am with myself, but you know how good it feels to buy things with money that's not yours, don't you? I don't mean stolen money of course, I mean a gift, a present. It gives me a warm glow of satisfaction, not to mention a warm glow derived from having some cracking new trainers, trousers and a shirt.

Presents. They're great.

New Year's Day

Hooray! It's New Year's day 2006. The weather is calm, the streets are quiet and ... in fact, it's just like any other Sunday. So it seems a little strange that there was such revelry and joyful celebration last night. Well, that's New Year I suppose. Wouldn't it be rather funny if we celebrated the arrival of every Sunday like this? It would certainly be horrifically expensive and I reckon, after the first 3 or 4 we'd all be dreading Saturday nights. I'm not quite sure where this particular posting is leading other than to prove that you can make any day 'special' if you truly believe there's a valid reason. Or you're told there's a valid reason.

Years ago, some friends and I decided to have Christmas day in the middle of August. We had a full Xmas dinner - turkey and all the trimmings; crackers; decorations and even Xmas TV shows which we had on video. Now I'm sure the vast quantities of alcohol helped, but we really believed it was Xmas day - depsite the bright sunshine and high temperature outside. And the really strange thing is, it was one of the best 'Xmas' days I've ever had. And it was August.

Makes you think doesn't it?