Dead stop

I don't usually rob stories off the Tinterweb but this one made me laugh. A 47 year old woman from Wales was caught by a speeding camera doing 41mph on a 30mph road. The problem was that she had only got a provisional licence which meant she was going to be in a bit of bother. So what did she do?

She said she was dead.

When the rozzers wrote to her she bravely ignored the letter. When the court then issued a summons, she wrote back, pretending to be her daughter, saying that her 'mum' had been killed in a car crash. Brilliant. Unfortunately the court were a tad suspicious and she ended up getting nailed by the long arm of the law. Well, I say nailed. She got a pathetic six month suspended sentence. I reckon she should have had both legs lopped off and the phrase 'I'm a crim' tattooed across her face.

Perhaps it's best I'm not a judge.

Fame and all that

It's Saturday, I'm at work and I have a headache the size of Izbekistan. That asisde, I'm just fine. T'other evening after work, some colleague-chums and I availed ourselves of a nearby hostelry whereupon the conversation turned (after a discussion about sewing lasted for less than 9 seconds) to 'famous people wot I have met'.

It's quite surprising how many famous people we have all encountered over the years. A couple of er, highlights included someone who accidentally laid a hand on the royal bosom of Princess Caroline of Monaco, in a swimming pool; someone else who got to interview big-faced laugher - Brian("Gordon's alive!)"Blessed in a caravan; someone who once danced with Kylie Minogue for "about 5 seconds" and finally me, who once put a naan bread on the head of Joseph Fiennes (bruv of Ralph) during a meal at a curry house in Birmingham.

However, the award for the 'Most Crap And Tenuous Link To Someone Famous' was the person who's ex-boyfriend's auntie was once the P.A for Ken Dodd . How rubbish is that? Mind you, I came a close second with my thrilling account of seeing the back of Aled Jones' head as he stood on a pavement talking to a rozzer.

Can any of you beat that?

Crashed rozzer car

Well, I couldn't think of anything interesting to write today, so I cheated. So here's a bit of footage I caught on my mobile phone last year.

Rozzers and 'hot dogs'

Well, the place is crawling with police. We all had to provide I.D to get into work today. There are roadblocks, police dogs, rozzers with guns, satellite trucks and more. I can also tell you that the old P.M himself ('Tone' to his friends) has just arrived (10.55 am) for his speech at the building next door.

It's all dead exciting and still extremely warm although it's still the morning. I had to assist a rozzer with his dogs as they searched some of our vehicles. Good job I removed that cap gun from my shorts. More to follow...

Evenin' all.

It's 'Prime' time

Oooh! Excitement abounds. We have a top secret that's happening a tomorrow in the building next to where I work. We had the rozzers (police) round here yesterday, carrying out security checks and they informed us that a certain Tony Blair (oh yes - the British Prime Minister) was going to be speaking on Wednesday and thus the need for the security sweep.

How bloody exciting. However, as this is still a secret, I could be arrested, interrogated, strip-searched and sent to Guantanamo Bay. Crikey. Mind you, there are some factors in my favour. 1) Almost no-one reads my blog. 2)Those that do read it but don't know me, do not know where I work. 3)Those that do know me are (hopefully) unlikely to dob me in to MI5 or the local rozzers.

So, the Big Cheese is in town. I wonder if I'll be interviewed by somoeone off the telly, as a 'member of the public'? Maybe they'll want my opinion on the government's foreigh policy, the state of the NHS or the problems with the education reforms.

Or maybe they'll just want my balding slaphead to move as it's bothering the cameraman.

Rozzers

Twenty years! Twenty bleedin' years without so much as sniff of trouble with the Rozzers. And then - 2 speeding tickets on the same day. On the same stretch of road. By the same Rozzers. I can speak no more, (for legal reasons) other than to say that I'm totally and utterly gutted.

Bring back Dixon of Dock Green.