Life is cruel

I just don't want to talk about it. Honestly. The other day we beat Newcastle United 5-1 at their place and tonight we lose 3-1 at home to bottom of the league Southend United. That's Southend United.

Anyway, aside from that gut-wrenching result, it's nice to welcome back some of my lovely readers who have returned to YBATYD after my short break.

At least you can rely on something/someone in this world...

Pant-Oh

You can't beat a good panto. Or can you? Oh yes you can, when it's an amateur panto. We had the pleasure of enjoying such an event on Saturday (the same day Birmingham were knocked out of the FA Cup by Reading)at a fabulous village hall. It was a performance of 'Treasure Island' which I never knew was a panto...

I really do admire people who do 'am dram' (amateur dramatics) especially as I have dabbled in the past. These productions are great because as well as some truly talented individuals you also get people who, er, really try their best. Actually, most of the enormous cast were OK, but bless 'em, the odd one or two were a little ropey. One lady did look like she'd just left work (at the accountancy firm) and walked straight on stage to 'act'. She looked terrified and her timid, rabbit-caught-in-headlights performance was a joy to behold. As was the severely stacatto delivery of another performer. It was supposed to be eccentric/amusing but just left most of the audience rather bemused.

Yet I mustn't mock. It really was a good show and all the mum's dad's and assorted relatives loved it. Mind you the whole thing had a weird effect on me because when I went to get my obligatory cup of village hall tea at the interval, for some unkown reason, I adopted an Australian accent. The woman who served me gave me a rather strange look, which wasn't suprising really because I said to her "G'day love. Any chance of a cuppa?". She just looked at me and said, flatly, "yes."

I do worry about myself sometimes.

Poor posting

I apologise dear readers. I have been decidedly remiss in my postings recently. The main reason is that the super-busy 8 week period at work has just come to an end and so I'm still a little 'all over the place'. I'm truly sorry about that. Really.

So, my postings will now get back to their slightly more regular selves - even if I only have the usual, dull tripe to offer you. At least there'll be something for you to read while you dry you hair, re-wire that plug or remove some old toe jam from your feet.

Well, the big news today is that I'm sending something back. To explain, the hard drive on my luverly iMac is getting a teensy bit full. So a few weeks ago I started researching external hard drives. I told you, you'd be getting the same old tripe didn't I? Anyway, after much investigation, I found the one I wanted - a Western Digital 'My Book Pro' 500gb firewire/USB hard drive (see pic). It was a very reasonable £149 so I purchased the beast.

To cut a long story short, it was cack. It was cack because it didn't work. When I managed to get it to sort of work, it nearly killed my computer. Added to that, when I registered it online, I was informed that my warranty wouldn't be valid! I was not pleased. Honestly, at one point my iMac sounded like it was about to explode. I was so alarmed I nearly had a trouser movement (a bad one - round the back) until I unplugged the 'My Book' which clearly saved my iMac's life. Poor bugger.

Thus, it's about to be winging it's way back to whence it came. I've already got my replacement waiting in the wings (I'll make sure I get the first one refunded before I buy the next one) and just hope things work out better the second time around. I don't want another bad trouser movement experience.

The stitching just can't take the strain.

A chill wind

Well it looks like winter has finally arrived here in Blighty. Sort of. This morning we have snow. To be more accurate, it's like someone has run round the streets with a bag of icing sugar and given everywhere the lightest dusting imaginable. So it's not exactly skiing weather but it is only the second time in the whole winter that the temperature has actually dropped to normal levels.

Weird. I suppose it's indicative of the ever-popular global-warming and if you think about it, it's hard to ignore. I've only had to scrape ice off my car twice since winter began. That's unheard of. In the newspaper the other day, they reported that the re had been a number of nighttime temperatures in December that were warmer than June, which is really bonkers.

Then we've been having all these stormy weeks full of wind and rain with 11 people being killed in the UK the other week as a direct result of the weather. Yet, until today, we've had no snow, ice or even cold temperatures for the whole of January. Surely that's not right.

Who'd be a snowman?

No bra required

As promised, here is a photo of me dressed as a woman (I'm on the right of course)during a little performance I was involved in on Friday night. The good news is that I didn't have to wear a bra. The bad news is - well, that's quite obvious from the photo really. Well, the show went very well and was seen by about 200 punters / victims who helped us raise £150 for charity, which was great. I can't tell you much else for legal reasons / protection of the innocent. Suffice to say, it wasn't exactly suitable for anyone under 18. Or over 18 for that matter. I learnt a phrase which I'd never heard before. And I'm 40 for God's sake. It's a sick world we live in, that's for sure.

Fun though isn't it?

Out of the Blues

Well I never. Not only am I finally better (five days of poorlyness) but I received a massive boost to aid my recovery, last night. I was already feeling more like my old self as I settled down to watch Birmingham take on Newcastle United in their FA Cup, third round replay. It was at Newcastle's place and as they are in the league above us and had won a great match at Spurs just a few days ago, my expectations were a tad on the low side.

I should not have worried. Birmingham ran out 5-1 winners! They were just magnificent and with every goal Blues scored, I just felt better and better. And to top it off, I've since learned that this was Newcastle's biggest home defeat in the Cup since 1914. How fantastic is that? If only you could get footie tickets on the NHS.

So that result has definitely lifted me out of the blues and now I can look forward to going back to work.

Erm ...

Still ill

Going to the doctor's this morning. Tried to go to work yesterday but failed to survive 2 hours.

Ill still...

Poorly

I'm ill. Been in bed for two days (Saturday and today) and feel worse than yesterday. Back to bed now.

Soz.

Oh cobblers

I can't do it. I can't stop doing my lovely, warm and joyful blog. OK, so it was only just under a week ago that I said I was having a break. Well the truth is, I was feeling just a tad bogged off and didn't believe I could keep YBATYD up to it's usual (low) standard. Maybe it was the January blues, maybe it was that mid-winter malaise or maybe it was trapped wind. Either way, I just couldn't muster my usual enthusiasm.

Well suffice to say that I've had quite a few people asking me to get back on the old computer and start serving up some more drivel/ramblings/rapier-witted observations. That was very nice of them, so thank you folks.

So, I thought "oh cobblers" I'll get posting again. And you know what? It feels great. The only thing is I can't remember what I've been doing in the past 6 days. I wish I'd never stopped the writing bloody blog now. One thing I can tell you is that soon I shall be doing something which I may regret. It involve me wearing women's clothes and saying lots of rude words. Let me just point out that this is not what I normally get up to. No really it isn't. However, if I have to wear a bra I'm a tad concerned as I don't know how to put one on. Apparently women sort of put it on back to front and then yank it round the front so that it's er, in the right place. I think I would favour the 'over yer head' method. Anyway, let's just hope I won't need one.

What the hell am I rambling on about? Oh well, never mind. As long as I'm writing something it's better than nothing isn't it?

Er...

Time for a break

After a bit of thought (unusual for me) I've decided it's time to give YBATYD a bit of a break. I'm pretty sure I'll return at some stage but for now, I think it's time to leave the blogosphere to other people.

Thanks for all the great feedback and comments you've submitted over the last year and I hope you enjoyed reading 'You're Born And Then You Die' during the last 150 posts. I've had great fun putting my thoughts down on 'paper' and would recommend it to anyone. So thanks again to anyone and everyone who has taken time to read all, some or even just one of my ramblings and maybe we'll meet up here again one day.

Thank you.

Anonymity is your friend

Come on don't be shy. I still want to know where you all are. Just the one response so far. Remember if you want to remain anonymous, that's fine because you can if you leave a comment. Just click on the word Comments underneath the posting and follow the simple instructions.

It's really simple. I managed it.

Where in the world are you?

Oh how I'd love to know where in the world my readers are. It's OK, I'm not a stalker (anymore) so I don't need house numbers or ways in round the back .. er ... of your property. No, I'd just be interested to know the demographic location of you lovely people.

Wow, not much of a posting is it? However, it's an important one so make sure EVERYONE sends me a comment (or an email if you're shy - bornthendie@mac.com) and then we can see if I'm an international superstar or just a local yokel. Now I happen to know that some of you are wafting about on the high seas of the world, so don't let me down boys and girls wherever you are.

I need to feel the love.

Well blow me

I just remembered this today. When I used to work at a large theme park I was issued with a fairly powerful radio (walkie-talkie) which I used to have to carry with me at all times. There were over a hundred people who had radios, so they were pretty commonplace. However, there were only a few of us who discovered a wonderful thing you could do with them.

I can't take the credit for this discovery myself, but I have to admit that it provided me with a huge number of giggles. OK, so here's what we used to do:

1. Go into the gents lav.
2. Enter a cubicle.
3. Wait for a victim to enter the gents.
4. Get your radio out.
5. Wait until the victim is in mid-flow (at the urinal)
6. Press the 'speak' button on your radio.
7. Suppress laughter as the radio causes the electric hand dryer to start blowing
8. Press the 'speak' button on your radio.
9. Suppress laughter as the hand dryer stops.
10. Repeat ad-infinitum whilst the victim becomes increasingly confused/scared.

I lost count of how many times I did this. Some bogs had cubicles you could just see out of which meant that you could time your transmissions to cause the most alarm to the victim. I don't know why it worked but I suppose the radio waves must have just triggered the sensor inside the hand dryer. Oh the fun you can have in a toilet ...

Er ...

I'm not Spiderman

I was bored so I did this quiz-thing to see what superhero I was. Apparently I'm The Flash although it was a dead heat with Spiderman. I'd rather have been Spiderman because he's a hit with the ladies and The Flash just sounds like a pervert. I'm also not impressed with the yampy yellow wellies. I would be better off with a pair of sandals.

You are The Flash

Fast, athletic and flirtatious.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Who the bloody hell is The Flash anyway?

Oh Happy, Happy, New Year!

Life is full of ups and downs isn't it? We went to a really fun house party last night (that's New Year's Eve in case you're still hammered) and saw 2007 arrive in style. It wasn't a seriously late night as we were home by 2am. However, our fabulous cat Henry, was nowhere to be seen. Then we thought about it. The last time we'd seen the little fella was when we arrived back from doing a bit of shopping at 1.15pm that afternoon.

Now our cat is really, really great. He's nearly 5 and still very inquisitive which means he has more than used up his nine lives by now. The other thing about Henry is that he is very much a creature of habit, like many felines. So when we got home in the early hours of 2007 and he didn't appear from nowhere and trot at speed alongside our car, we knew he'd be in the house (via his groovy little catflap) waiting for some New Year food. As it turned out, he wasn't in the house either. We were fairly concerned but knew that he had done this sort of thing a couple of times before. However, what made the situation a little more unsettling was that he'd not been around since early afternoon. He never does that but realising there was nothing we could do at that time, we turned in for the night.

I didn't sleep well. I got up a couple of times in the night but Henry was nowhere to be found. By 8.30 we had both been awake for quite a while. We'd been calling for the cat and out the front and back doors but to no avail. Now I know it sounds a bit soft when people get upset over pets but hey, you give them plenty of love and affection over the years and of course you care about them. Suffice to say, the mood in the house was one of real sadness and sense that something really bad had happened to our cracking little (well large actually) cat.

I decided that I needed to do something, however pointless. I decided to drive round the neighbourhood, mainly to see if I could find any clues or, well, anything. I took my car keys and left the house. The morning was absolutely beautiful with a gorgeous blue sky and bright, winter sunshine. This made things seem all the worse somehow.

I opened the car door.

The bloody cat casually jumped off the driver's seat and out of the car, purring as he did so. I nearly died. The little fella was absolutely fine. We went straight back inside the house where he re-introduced himself to my wife. She was well chuffed. I was over the chuffing moon. He was pretty chuffed too when I gave him some tinned tuna for his breakfast. Then we started thinking about it. He'd obviously slipped into my car, unseen, when we got back from the shops the day before. The time now was 9.10am. That meant he'd been trapped inside my car for 20 hours. That's 20 hours with no food, water or anywhere to .... I ran straight back to the car to check for, er, 'gifts' left by the cat. Nothing. He'd not even had a sneaky tiddle. Bless him. Well, the cat is just fine and he has taken the whole thing in his stride - unlike us! I had to capture the moment though so - the photo above was taken just minutes after his dramatic return to freedom.

Now that's what I call a 'Happy New Year' !