Vehicular oasis

I had the pleasure of having to visit Belgrave Square in London last week. If you didn't know, it's located in Westminster and is one of those truly salubrious parts of London which is filled with the kind of huge, pillar-fronted buildings you see in old films. They are impressive stuccoed buildings with big windows, high ceilings and feeling of true grandeur.

It's also where many of the foreign embassies are. Wikipedia describes it thus: Belgrave Square is one the largest and grandest 19th Century squares in London. And it's not just the buildings that exude a sense of wealth and luxury. The whole place is rammed full of Bentley's, Range Rovers, Porsches, Ferraris andAston Martins.

So as I strolled past Gordon Ramsey's Boxwood Cafe and the 5 star Berkeley Knightsbridge hotel towards Belgrave Square, I felt like I was the underclass, entering a world of caviar, fur coats and million pound deals. The array of exquisite cars lining the street only served to heighten my sense of inferiority.

And then my saviour appeared, partly in shadow, beneath an ornate, cast-iron street lamp.  I felt worthy again. I was not inferior. I was an equal to all of those around me in this alien, billion pound (dollar, euro) world. There, nestled between a  Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren Roadster and a Bentley Continental GTC, was an 'M' reg Proton Saga. In red. And rust. Even better, it was parked in a permit holders' space.

Joy filled me heart. This alien turd of vehicles had sneaked into the hallowed land of the international playboy, film star and corporate banker and said "bollocks to the lot of you" I patted it's manky bonnet and continued onwards past a yellow Lamborghini, smiling to myself.


Proton 1 - 0  Financial excess

Blogging eh?

Where do I begin? The fate of so many blogs has been to explode into life in a riot of colour, fanfare and excitement. Only to fade and die after a short while, never to return. YBATYD has so nearly succumbed to this same travesty of online life but always just manages to rise, phoenix-like from the ashes of the Internet.

So here I am. Months after my last post and feeling a tad dismayed at all the wonderful things that have happened which would have been brilliant fodder for you to dine on. Odd things always happen to me and now that I have finally invested in an iPhone, I can truly exploit those magical moments by sharing them with you as they happen.

For example, last week whilst out in town - a town which seems to exist solely for its residents to doss about, drinking, fighting and stealing from each other (maybe some exaggeration there)- I walked past two 'yoofs', clad in obligatory tracksuits and hoodies, walking their ferrets. Yes. Ferrets. Now how much more wonderful and engaging would that story have been if there'd been a photo to accompany it? Exactly dear readers. Exactly.

So now I am iPhone'd up to the hilt I shall never again miss the chance to deliver amusing, witty, erudite and photo-supported postings for your enjoyment.

As long as I don't lose my phone.

Best before...?

Firstly - 'hello blog'. Crikey, it's been so long since I last posted, the World has changed a great deal. Birmingham City got relegated, tornadoes, floods and earthquakes have happened and the price of cider has increased. All major events indeed. Suffice to say, I am ashamed at my lack of textual input these past months. Maybe it's an age thing. Or possibly that I just kept forgetting that I actually had a blog. Either way, I've written sod all since last September and that's a shame because all sorts of berserk things have happened to me during my blogging absence.

Well, enough reminiscing about the recent past (although I must tell you about my mental arm-agony that I had to endure in the winter, sometime) and on to today's interesting life event. My good lady decided to avail herself of a small snack earlier in the evening. This was not a good idea because I was at work and thus not able to provide my usual 'health and safety' style checks on her savoury sustenance. Now don't get me wrong. She is no simpleton. No dunderhead. She is actually infinitely more intelligent than I am. Proof of this can be provided by reading the title of her dissertation that she wrote whilst at university - 'Equations of length seven over free groups'. That's pure maths. And no, I have absolutely no idea what it means either but I do know that it's immensely complex and you need to have a brain the size of Chad to understand it all.

So it's all the more curious then that, given her intelligence, she managed to scoff an entire bag of cheese Doritos that were seven months out of date. That's a 7 by the way. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that not seeing the 'best before...' label on a packet doesn't mean you are stupid. I agree. However, this packet was vegetating right at the back of a dark, hard to reach cupboard. This would have provided most people with a small clue as to the age of the item. Furthermore, we haven't bought cheese Doritos for months. Another fairly large clue. To be honest if I found an unexpected item of food lurking at the back of a dark cupboard on a rarely used shelf I think I would have at least a cursory glance at the 'best before...' bit on the packet. But that's just me.

The good news is that she ate the Doritos three hours ago and she's still alive which is, of course, great. However, if she awakes in the night, gasping for air, clutching her stomach and asking for a priest, I may have re-write this last bit.

And maybe instead of 'best before...' a label saying 'worst after ...' would be a bit more effective.