myTunes

I love iTunes. I currently have (as well as some video, numerous podcasts, a few games and audiobooks) 1,849 songs on my iMac. Apparently, that means I could play a different tune for 5 days, 10 hours, 13 minutes and 40 seconds. That many songs equates to 7.81 gigabytes which is pretty good, especially when my iPod can take another 22 gig's worth of songs before it's full.

Now there's one main reason I love iTunes. It's not the fact that I can now have instant access to my entire music library at any time. Neither is it the fact that I can add songs really quickly and easily whenever I want. No, the reason I really love iTunes is because it's opened my eyes to music I had either never heard, never enjoyed or forgotten about. I still have times when I'm listening to my iPod and song comes on that I've never heard before. Not only that, but because I'm listening to it on my super, noise-cancelling earphones the whole experience becomes more immersive and involving. I have discovered loads of songs that I'd never really listened to before and now find that they are among my favourites. Now that is pretty amazing.

Now I'm not going to be all pro-Apple here. Whichever music player and music system you use, the experience will be pretty much the same. Years ago, I had a Sony Walkman and listened to cassette tapes as I lay in the garden. Yet, almost no-one used these wonderful, but bulky, low audio-quality bits of kit on a daily basis. When the portable CD players came out, they became fairly popular but again, they were bulky. Also, you had to carry around dozens of spare CD's unless you really wanted to hear the same album over and over again. And boy, did they skip if you did anything like walking fast or, dare I say it, dance around a bit.

After the portable CD players had achieved moderate success, we saw the arrival of Minidisc players. I actually have an old Sony model. The sound quality was really good, so an improvement over the cassettes and on a par with the CD's. Where it scored over the CD players was that you could fit multiple albums onto one disc. I managed 5 albums on a disc, although the more music you added, the lower the quality as all the information had to be squeezed more tightly to fit onto the disc. Minidisc never really took off and I only ever bought one 'proper' minidisc album. Thanks Moby. After that, there was a long gap until MP3 players hit the streets and things really heated up when Apple launched the iPod in October 2001. I think we know what happened next.

When I got my iPod for my 40th birthday it was like being a child again. I was so excited and amazed at this revolution in music that appeared when I opened the box. And now I can't imagine not having a portable music player in my possession. I can't imagine not having 1849 songs on my computer. So what's going to happen when the next generation of music format arrives? Perhaps we'll have to grapple with virtual music, liquid sound or nano tunes. Who knows? What I do know is that ABBA were right when they said...

... "Thank you for the music".

ELF Cup and cricket

I've lost interest in this competition since Greenland went out but if anyone is at all bothered, the final was yesterday and the winners of the ELF Cup 2006 were Northern Cyprus. Oh, alright then. If you must. The final score was Northern Cyprus 3 - 1 Crimea. Happy now?

And I'm not going to mention the cricket because a) you may not like cricket, b) you've no idea what cricket is, c) we're performing abysmally against Australia in the Ashes (down under) so I'd rather not mention it . And that's all there is to say about that.

Oh, and the 'vigorous storm' we were told was heading our way the other day? Nothing. A bit of rain and that was it. What an anti-cliamx. At least Birmingham won yet again on Saturday, against Burnley.

Wow, what a stupendously disjointed posting. Oh well, a change is as good as a rest as they say. You can have too much of a good thing can't you. So I thought I'd deliver something that had no structure, format or point to it.

And I think I've succeeded

Exploding nuts

Oh my God. I nearly died today. Well, not actually nearly died but I did almost have a trouser movement. What happened? Well, I had popped down to Tesco's to get some bits 'n' bobs, as you do and I espied some rather nice-looking chestnuts. So, on the spur of the moment, I thought I'd get some.

Right. Cue 20 minutes later and the chezzies are on the old baking tray, cooking away in the oven. Now I've only ever bought roasted chestnuts from one of those funny little roadside stalls, so I was inexperienced in the way of the chezzie. But how hard can it be I thought?

After 8 minutes in the oven I took the baking tray out and the smell of the hot chestnuts enveloped and teased my sense of smell, lulling me into a sort of food-infused daze. My reverie was shattered though by what happened next. I was leaning over the tray, inhaling the delectable odour one of the little b***ards exploded in my face. When I say exploded, I mean exploded. Fragnments of pulverised chestnut shot everywhere, including over my horror-stricken face. As I recoiled in shock I knocked over a china bowl which smashed into pieces on the tiled kitchen floor. I was staggered. I was flabbergasted. I was covered in bits of chestnut.

Chestnuts? Never again.

A touch of wind

Well the forecasters say there's going to be a 'vigorous storm' in the south and central parts of the UK tonight. Crikey. Now if you happen to live in 'tornado alley' in the U.S or in just about anywhere in S.E Asia or indeed many other parts of the world, you'll be more than used to severe weather. However, here in dear old Blighty our weather is, usually, fairly benign.

Mind you, things are a changin'. This summer for example was, if I recall correctly, the hottest ever in the UK. Also, the water table (the level of underground water) is at it's lowest level since records began and has been getting worse in the last few years. We certainly seem to be having more regular extremes of weather anyway. The perception (in Hollywood films at least) of the UK as being permanently shrouded in fog is seriously inaccurate. Nowadays it's either face-melting sun or enough rain to give Noah's Ark a good outing, meaning that we keep breaking all sorts of meteorological records.

Let's hope tonight's 'breeze' isn't one of them.

Farewell Polar Teddy Bears

"Stýrðu hingat eikjunni,ek mun þér stöðna kenna, eða hverr á skipit, er þú heldr við andit?" I've no idea what this means but I do know that it's poetry written in (Western) Greenlandish (Kalaallisut). A fitting testement I think to the brave chaps of the Greenland national footie team who, yesterday, bowed out of the ELF Cup following a 1-0 defeat to Kyrgyzstan. This meant the lads finished third in Group A and were thus eliminated.

It's sad to see them go but we must dry away our Arctic tears and get on with things. Well the semi-finals are being held on Friday (Kyrgyzstan V Crimea and Northern Cyprus V Zanzibar) with the final on Sunday. Northern Cyprus have got to be the favourites after absolutely nailing poor little Tibet 10-0 in the group stage. Just click on this posting's title for more exciting info on the the whole thing.

Well, other than an update on the final, I fear that's about it for the ELF Cup. Alas dear reader, it means a return to the mundane postings about my life and the bizarre thoughts I have. Mind you, if there is anything out there in the big wide world that you think may be of interest to me / the readers, then feel free to email me at 'bornthendie@mac.com' any time and maybe, just maybe we'll find something to rival the awesome ELF Cup...

Surely not?

ELF Cup update 4

I told you this tournament was going to be good. For some reason the Elf Cup chaps have been a tad remiss and not posted any of today's results. I hope there's not been a major catastrophe like the team bus breaking down, or the security bloke at the stadium forgetting to unlock the gates. So, it looks like you'll just have to wait for the big Greenland v Kyrgyzstan result a bit longer.

I just have to say that I absolutely love today's photo. Feel free to click on it for a wonderful, larger version. The picture is of a highly 'talented' Gaguazia player er, tackling a little Greenlander. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life. What the bloody hell is he doing? Mind you, the Greenland player doesn't exactly look like Ronaldo either. In fact they both look like they've just been told that the ball is packed with dynamite and are desperate to get away from it. The Gaguazian chap actually looks like he may have pooed himself with fright! Oh, this is so immature but I'm laughing as I type this ... sorry ... oh dear.

Aside from the super ELF Cup (click on the title of this posting to take you to more fabulous photos from the tournament), I've been training new staff this evening. I always feel sorry for new staff because training, no matter how hard you try, is nearly always a turgid affair. I do try and make it more exciting but sometimes I try a bit too hard and then people just stare blankly at me. However, that didn't happen tonight and I think it all went well. Perhaps the next time I see them, I can tell them all about Greenland's marvellous 'Polar Teddy Bears'.

It's blank stares again isn't it?

Get it Onn

Ooh I love my gadgets. So imagine my joy when my wife suggested yesterday that it was about time we treated ourselves to a DAB (digital) radio. We'd been considering buying one for ages but decided to be all grown-up and cost-conscious. However, when we discovered that Asda (Wal Mart) were flogging a cracking little DAB radio (the exact one that's in the photo, made by Onn) for just £30, we could contain ourselves no longer.

It's just wonderful, especially when you listen to stations that are broadcast on medium wave instead of FM. I listen to a MW station all the time and the reception is often similar to that experienced by Cape Canaveral during the 1960's Apollo missions. On DAB it sounds like liquid glass slicing through soft butter. Er ...

Now, all 30 stations are crystal clear and my wife and I can now switch between our respective favourites with ease. No honestly, it's really exciting. You even get the name of the currently-playing song displayed on the radio! So now the crappy old transistor radio has been banished to the bathroom where it will eventually rot and die. Die. Die! So farewell medium wave and hello digital radio.

Now that's a turn-Onn

ELF cup update 3

Oh you beauties! The Polar Teddy Bears have made my day. My wife and I went to a very jolly christening today which was followed by a magnificent slap-up meal. So that was good enough but upon our return home I checked the results from day one at my beloved ELF cup and guess what? Yep, my chaps did the business over the fellas from that bizarre little segment of Moldova. Here are the results then from the first day:

Gagauzia 0 v 2 Greenland
Kyrgyzstan 0 v 1 Zanzibar
Tibet 0 v 3 Tajikistan

Oh and the photo is the only picture I've managed to find of the Greenland national side.

Don't they look athletic?

Elf Cup update 2

Not so much an update as a countdown. As I write, the cup starts in 11 minutes! It starts at the same time as Birmingham play Wolves in a noon fixture here in the UK. It's all too much. Even the sun is shining brightly on this winter's day. It's a shame I'm working later (on a Saturday too) because I would love a glass of champagne to celebrate. Mind you, the first game isn't until Sunday but it couldn't be a more perfect first match. Yes, it's Gagauzia v Greenland.

Go for it you Polar Teddy Bears!

Podcasts and parking

OK, it's podcast number three tomorrow so you'd better get downloading / subscribing. It's also the start of the ELF cup as well. Oh yes - I know you share my excitement on that one. Mind you, I do think I've been a bit remiss with regards to me, myself, yours truly recently. What do I mean? Well, this is supposed to be a blog that includes the things that I am up to, as well as all the stuff going on in the world in general. So I'm going to ensure you get to hear more of the mundane segments of my life along with the more exciting, global stuff. Oh yes.

However, that can all wait because I'm tired and need to hit the sack. Oh, I nearly forgot - here's a mundane slice of my life, right now. I got stuck in the multi-storey car park for 20 minutes today. It was great. You have to drive up a big curved ramp to get to the car park barrier and when I arrived there today, a car was sitting there doing nothing (apart from having it's engine running and brake lights on). I instantly got annoyed because it only takes 7 nano-seconds to collect a ticket from the ticket machine, the barrier to raise and the car to get going. Well, it turned out that this women tried to pre-pay by credit card (which you can do) but the sodding machine swallowed her card.

After 5 minutes there were 7 cars all backed up the ramp behind me so escape was impossible. What did I do? Scream, shout, beep my horn, rev my engine, sacrifice a lamb? No. I turned the engine off, popped my iPod on and slipped into a chilled-music-induced coma for 15 perfect minutes.

My peace was shattered when a car park attendant (bit of a scrote) lumbered up and started bashing the ticket machine in a sort of Neanderthal-esque attempt to remove the woman's credit card. Well he got it sorted eventually and I finally managed to park my car. I was kind of hoping that the whole thing could have taken much longer and then I could have enjoyed the rest of my wonderfully soporific music, but my joy was cruelly cut short.

Ain't life a bitch?

ELF cup update 1

I just know I'm going to love the ELF cup. If you're new to YBATYD, see the posting from 7th November and you'll get the idea. Well, the hot news is that Afghanistan have been booted out of the cup just days before it's due to start! Apparently it's due to pressure from FIFA. Now as the ELF cup exists specifically because the teams involved, are not or cannot, be recognized by FIFA it begs the question - why have FIFA got involved? Maybe because they want to welcome war-torn, politically unstable Afghanistan into the FIFA bosom? Er ... perhaps not.

The super-exciting / hilarious result of the Afghan withdrawal is that an urgent replacement was obviously required. And where else do you turn when you need a top-notch footballing nation to fill a gap? You turn to the 'Territorial Autonomous Unit of Gagauzia' of course. Yes, I can hear you now - "What and where the bloody hell is the 'Territorial Autonomous Unit of Gagauzia' ?" Well, just a few minutes ago, I asked the same question. Apparently, 'Gagauzia' as it's known is an independent bit of Moldova. Moldova is nestled between Romania and Ukraine. Hope you're enjoying the geography lesson.

OK, so Gagauzia are in the tournament. Unfortunately, there is little info on their footballing achievements. The only thing I've found so far is that they may have a little chap playing for them called Vladimir Zhenunk. Bless him. He's a midfielder and that's about your lot as far as my Gagauzian footie knowledge goes. Please feel free to give me some more info!

One other thing before I finish. I've just checked out the details on the Tibetan national side. Their record defeat was 4-1 against, yes you guessed it, Greenland (God bless those Polar Teddy Bears) but their record win is noted as - none. Oh bless the little Tibetan fellas. They have never won a game. Oh how I wish I were able to go to the ELF cup. Or even watch it on the telly - courtesy of BRT, a Turkish satellite TV station.

Perhaps I'll have a word with Sky ...

Posting poorlyness

What a bizarre title for this posting. I apologise. I was trying to convey two points in one phrase. Clearly it hasn't worked. Oh well. Anyway, the 'posting' bit is a way of saying I'm sorry at the slightly less-than-regular postings this month. Can't really give a reason why but suffice to say that guilt is my constant companion as a result. I shall try and rectify this although I shall give you fair warning that things may well get worse on this front over the next 8 weeks or so as I shall be extremely busy at work. I trust you'll stick with me. OK, please stick with me!

The second bit of the title refers to me feeling a tad under the weather and before all the women reading this, collectively shout "Man flu!" - it bloody well isn't. I'm genuinely not feeling especially magical and even came home early from work today. So there. If you're reading this in some warm and sunny part of the world - I hate you. Well, not hate. That's a bit disingenuous. Perhaps I should just say that I wish I was there and then maybe I wouldn't be feeling so cack. Oh the joys of England in the winter. Mind you, it could be worse.

I could be in Greenland.

Homity pie recipe

Oh my God. This blog is turning into Delia Smith's 'How To Cook'. Personally, my cookery hero is Hugh Fearnely-Whittingstall. Anyone who can make a meal out of roadside weeds and bits of random woodland animal is alright by me. Even though I'm half-veggie. Anyway, due to popular (one request) demand, following on from my blog about the pub meal, I have decided to share my Homity pie recipe. I think it's chuffing gorgeous and it's dead easy to make, especially if you cheat and buy frozen shortcrust pastry. Excited? OK then. Here goes:

Ingredients:

Shortcrust Pastry 300g
Potatoes 350g
Onions 450g
Oil 3 tablespoons
Margarine 25g
Parsley, chopped 15g
Cheese, grated 100g
Garlic cloves 2 crushed
Milk 1 tablespoon
Salt & pepper to taste

• Roll out the pastry and use to line six 4” individual tins or foil dishes.

• Alternatively, use a single 8” dish.

• Boil or steam the potatoes until tender.

• Chop the onions, then sauté in the oil until really soft.

• Combine the potatoes and onions. Add the butter, parsley, half (50g) of the cheese, garlic, and milk. season well to taste.

• Really mix well. Break up (don’t mash) the potatoes. Allow to cool.

• Once cool – use the mixture to fill the pastry cases or dish.

• Sprinkle with the remaining cheese.

• Bake in the oven at 220°C (425°F) for 20 minutes, until golden.

• If baking in an 8” dish, bake for 25-30 minutes.

Makes 6 pies

Then shout "Who ate all the pies?" Then shout again "I did!"

Arrogance alert

I thought it was about time I 'bigged' myself up a bit. So today I'm going to tell you about something that I'm brilliant at. Anyone who knows me would probably agree. In fact, I know they would agree. So what is it that I can afford to be so arrogant about? What do I feel I am so good at? I shall tell you then, dear reader (that's a generic 'reader', not a singular version).

Accents.

I am great at doing accents. I once counted them all and it was over 50. I must say that I think I have a natural talent for impersonating voices. Not impersonating people, but rather the way they speak. It's a bit ironic really that I have such a good ear copying the way people speak because when it comes to singing I'm bloody abysmal. Not so much tone-deaf as tone-dead. I truly have an appalling ability to not follow the tune of any song. I had a singing lesson once. The bloke played a note on the piano which I was supposed to then sing. After several attempts, he told me to sing the note and he would try and copy it. He couldn't find a matching note. That's a true story and one which proves my point. I am to singing what Genghis Khan was to 13th century world peace or Tequila slammers are to incisive political debate. I can't sing.

So, good job then that I can do accents. I do international as well as regional accents. Being from England, I do many UK accents including all the ones that actors put on their CV's (resumes for our U.S chums) such as 'Cockney', 'Scouse' and 'Scottish'. Now if you are reading this from Scotland, that last one will annoy you. It will annoy you for the same reason as someone who says that they can do an 'American', 'English' or 'Irish' accent does. That's because countries do not have a single generic accent and as someone who actually lives in the UK, I should be able to do at least some regional variations.

So, I can do two or three Scottish accents including a fairly good Glaswegian. I can do a Southern Ireland (Eire) and Northern Ireland accent and in fact, can have a go at two N.I accents - (London)Derry and Belfast. Yes there is a difference! I can do north and south Wales pretty damn well. I was once working in a job where I had to pretend to be from an actual Welsh village called Ystradgynlais. I was chatting to some Welsh people (using my accent) and they asked where I was from. Now being all professional, I didn't want to say that I was from a town in England but they went on and on at me until I told them that I wasn't Welsh. They were gobsmaked but the best bit was when they said that they knew I wasn't from Ystradgynlais because I sounded like I was from Cwmtach. Cwmtach is about 2 miles from Ystradgynlais. It was then that I knew I was good.

My international accents are not too bad and include (without regional variations - yet) 'Australian', 'French', 'South African', 'Chinese', 'Italian', 'Russian' and others. For the USA I reckon I can do 'New York', 'Texas" and a sort of generic one which sometimes becomes a 'California' special.... Maybe I shall give you a taster on the next podcast which is due out this week. I know you're all waiting with baited breath. Er, possibly. Well that's enough being arrogant for one day and time to revert to my usual, modest self.

I'm brilliant at modesty.

Postings, pubs and pies

Ooh my posting is slipping again. Sorry about that. I've got no excuses. Anyway, as I've got your interest I just wanted to say that I've had some nice feedback about the podcast. Now I know it's not the best (yet) but I shall persevere and hopefully you'll be laughing. Or tittering. Or smirking - slightly.

Please let me know if you have any problems listening to the podcast, either on the podcast website or via iTunes. There is actually an old podcast feed on iTunes which I need to try and get deleted. the correct one has the (currently two) most up to date shows on and had a 5 star feedback on there too!

Well, time for some more wine. I'm still savouring the gorgeous salad dressing I knocked up earlier. God I'm a talented individual. In fact I must tell you my recipe for homity pie sometime. It's a classic, old English dish and one I'd never seen in a restaurant until Friday night when a load of us went to a renowned pub for a hearty meal. The food on offer was amazing and the setting is pure, old-fashioned English pub. And no, none of it is fake. It's a truly wonderful setting and still full of locals as well as the 'outsiders' who have come to sample the highly rated food. However, the most memorable thing for me was the appearance of homity pie on the menu. I was so chuffed, although I didn't order it in case it was better than my own version!

So thank you to the The Bear inn at Alderwasley in Derbyshire. It was worth the long journey to get there and any pub that serves food including wild boar and homity pie is alright by me.

Cheers.

Just a quickie!

I've just got in from work and I've had a long day. Got another long day tomorrow so I'm not going to do a lengthy post. Even 40 year old blokes need their beauty sleep. Actually, I need a lot of beauty sleep. Anyway, I met someone today who is tri-lingual. he speaks English, German and Spanish. Now I really admire people who can speak other languages.

I always remember being taught French in school. It was ridiculous because we spent weeks learning reflexive verbs and sub-congugated, pre-raphaelite nouns in French, when we didn't even know what the bloody hell they were in English. And don't even talk to me about learning German. It's a really tricky language to learn and, if I recall, has three tenses - masculine, feminine and neutral. I think. "Die deutsche Sprache ist einfach zu erlernen und eine Freude, zum zu sprechen". If you can translate that I shall buy you a beer. Possibly.

Anyway, enough rambling. And enough foreign languages. Hold on though - this is fun." 私は寢て疲れ、必要性である。明日私達はヤギの農場に行く"。Tranlsated from Chinese, that means "I am tired and need to go to sleep. Tomorrow we shall go to the goat farm". Ha! Just a couple more. I know you're enjoying this. How about "Mijn knieën zijn zwak wegens de hoge winden. Ik kan nu het strijken doen niet". That's Dutch for "My knees are weak because of the high winds. I cannot do the ironing now". And finally "Le signore nel villaggio sono impaurite dei fiori gialli. Dobbiamo utilizzare l'aerostato magico per fuoriuscire". In Italian it sounds enchanting but in English it sounds rather disturbing - "The ladies in the village are afraid of the yellow flowers. We must use the magic balloon to escape".

I think I should lie down. (Σκέφτομαι ότι πρέπει να ξαπλώσω - in Greek)

Come on Greenland!

I'm sure you're all aware of the imepending, major football tournament which is about to start. Yes of course you are. However, for those that don't know, between November 18th and 25th it's the world famous 'Elf Cup' which this year is taking place in North Cyprus. Amongst the galaxy of top international teams taking part are, Kyrgyzstan, Afghanistan, Zanzibar and of course, Greenland.

Now the Elf Cup is a new international footie tournament for those countries whose teams are not recognised by FIFA (the world governing body for football) and thus cannot compete in FIFA competitions such as the World Cup. Now although it's only new, it is a proper tournament although the bods who are organising it are looking for any sponsorship they can get. So of you fancy helping out, please visit the website by clicking on 'Come on Greenland' above.

So why am I supporting Greenland in this exciting tournament? Well, it just appeals to me for some reason. Maybe it's the thought of all those extremely hardy, weathered Greenlanders having to play football in the heat of Cyprus, or maybe it's because of my posting about 'Mallemaroking' which concerned fishermen on Greenland whaling ships (click on the 'Greenland' tag below this posting) or perhaps it's just because Greenland seems the most unlikely footballing nation of the lot.

Either way, I shall be supporting "The Polar Teddy Bears" - yes that really is their official nickname - all the way. And I will be keeping you, dear reader, up to date with their progress. I'm sure you're collective buttocks are trembling in anticipation. About the football. Obviously.

I have discovered an amazing fact too. You know that I am a Birmingham City fan? Well a year or two ago we had this bloke playing for us called Jesper Grønkjær whom we signed from Chelsea. Well I'll be jiggered. He is a Greenlander! I know, I was amazed too. Sadly though, Jesper has not, does not and never will play for his native country. As Greenland is officially part of Denmark and Denmark is recognized by FIFA, it's Denmark that benefits and not Greenland.

At least they've got whaling. Er ...

So tired

I must be getting old. Oh, I am. I feel so tired after working over the weekend and am struggling to wake up this morning. Never mind, I've got work later so that should do the trick. Yay.

When you're tired, everything seems a real effort so you can imagine my dismay when I just remembered that Christmas is on the way. This of course means present-buying and card-sending which are two things I absolutely detest. What's worse, I know so many people who have already started the whole process and I've heard of two people who have finished (I'll say that again) finished their Christmas shopping already. What? Do these people have their own graves dug - ready and waiting as well?

So the thought of the impending festive trauma is making me feel even more tired now. Therefore I propose to eat some late breakfast and then watch telly whilst returning to a semi-comotose state before I have to do the work thing again.

Wow. Life's a ball ain't it?

Podcast at last!

It's here! The YBATYD Podcast has landed. Actually, it arrived two weeks ago and those eagle-eyed readers amongst you may have seen the subtle little link to the podcast site at the top right of this page.

Episode 1, however, is really just a pilot show with no real content. Mind you it's worth a listen. Episode 2 is far better. It's even got a proper structure to it and everything! Now the YBATYD Podcast will be broadcast every two weeks (or as near as I can muster) and will be in two parts.

Part one will be a review and update of all the recent postings from this 'ere blog. Part two will be an exciting look at some of the amusing, weird and bizarre stories from the web as well as any strange websites I think you may be interested in. You lucky people.

Now there are a couple of ways to listen to the YBATYD Podcast. Either way, you firstly need to click the podcast link on this page. This will take you to the YBATYD Podcast website. From here you can either choose to listen to any of the shows directly from the site or you can click on the Subscribe button which will then subscribe you to the show via iTunes. How chuffing marvellous is that?

There really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Plagiarism!

OK, alright, just leave it will you? Look, blogging ain't easy. You have to think of someting to write nearly every day and in my case I have to try and make it amusing too. So I'm under more pressure than a bloke with his finger stuck in a hole in the Hoover Dam. So sometimes, just sometimes I have to resort to a bit of plagiarism (the unauthorized use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work) in order to deliver to my readers. Although, as I'm admitting my cheating it's technically not plagiarism. Just borrowing. Sort of.

Anyway, a dear chum of mine (who used to have a chiselled jaw but it's filled out a bit now) sent me a rather amusing email. Now I truly, hardly ever forward on emails (especially the ones that have already been forwarded 87 times and every single person who's sent it onwards has left all the addresses and other crap on from the previous sender and the one before and ... and ...) so I've only borrowed this because I reckon it's both amusing and witty - unlike all my posts thus far.

So, without further ado, here it is:

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

Next time - Original content! Subject to creative ability.