You'd be proud Mrs Curbishley

Alan Curbishley is a football manager. Today, he was announced as the new manager of Premiership team West Ham Utd. As well as being a manager, he was previously a player at several clubs including West Ham and Birmingham City. I remember watching him play for the Blues back in the early 1980's.

It was also at this time that I used to insist that my mum should learn all the names of the Blues players. This was so I could impress my mates with my mum's excellent footie knowledge. Ha, it makes me laugh just recalling the hours she spent pretending to be thrilled at having to learn all these blokes names. However, she did so with gusto and my mates all thought she was dead cool and a credit to mum's around the world. Well, the village anyway.

So imagine my surprise and joy when I received a text message from her yesterday saying "Didn't Alan Curbishley, proposed manager of West Ham, used to play for Birmingham?" Obviously I fired off a speedy response in the affirmative, adding that I was well impressed with her knowledge. So, if Alan's mum ever reads this I hope she realises just how memorable her little lad has become.

1-0 to my mum I think.

Xmas lights

Following on from a previous post and due to popular demand, here is a photo of our neighbour's magnificent light display. The photo just cannot do it justice but believe me, the flashing-ness has to be seen to be believed. We love it. Click on the photo for a larger (grainy I'm afraid) version.

Let there be light ...

Friends are great

Just had a really great weekend and it was great because we saw some of our friends. On Friday we went to see two people who we always love going to see. You can always tell when you get on with someone when you feel like you're just going into another room in your house. I like that feeling.

Whilst we were there, aside from all the usual stuff - eating and drinking, we also played this DVD pub quiz game. Oh hilarity abounded. Why? Well most of the questions were completely impossible to answer. Questions like 'The first television broadcast was in which year? 1915, 1924, 1926, 1929'. Er.... There was another question that asked what relation someone whom we'd never heard of was to someone else we'd never heard of. Tricky. So the whole thing became lesson in guesswork and thus, the game was the winner. Thank God for alcohol.

On Saturday we went to see some other friends and their beautiful 5 month-old baby girl. She's a right looker even with a chin full of dribble and, as they say, will one day break a thousand hearts. Bless her. Babies are great. They do such random things like laughing, crying and vomiting. She did two out of three as crying ain't really in her repertoire which is quite unusual for a baby. It must be her wonderful parents influence.

I learnt one new and disturbing fact about babies on that night. Apparently it's really easy for milk to find it's way into the folds of skin round the little 'uns neck when it's very young. This milk build up can go un-noticed until bathtime by which time it's magically turned into a form of soft cheese. Oh my God! Mind you, if you've run out of Dairylea ...

Sorry about that last comment. The weekend was also the time to out up the old Xmas decorations and erect the magnificent tree (Homebase £39.99 last year). So now it all looks dead festive although I'm on the hunt for some outdoor fairy lights seeing as how we have Blackpool illuminations over the road, I don't want to feel left out. I strongly believe that whatever lighting I put up, it will still pale into insignificance when stacked up against our neighbours amazing display.

Maybe I'll just wrap some tinsel round the drainpipe.

Cor blimey, a tornado

I was talking the other day about the lack of severe weather recently. Now I'm not advocating meteorologically-induced death and destruction, just a bit of flooding, heavy snow or strong winds. Strong winds, yes but surely not tornadoes? Well, as you may or may not know, we do get a few 'tornadoes' in the UK each year although these tend to be ickle, teensy-weensy efforts that may just manage to lift a bobble hat off a toddler or whip a stray raspberry from an outdoor trifle. However we don't usually get full bifters tornadoes like the one that hit part of London the other day.

OK, so it's not quite the F5 tornado that nailed Oklahoma a few years back but it was still pretty impressive by UK standards. However, being England, there had to be a funny side. I was watching the news and they were reporting on the whole thing. They were interviewing eye witnesses and most people were quietly saying how shocking and unbelievable it all was. Suddenly this mad Londoner appeared. She was very excited and was describing this "major tornado". The best bit was when she said the following (picture it - eyes wide, hair all over the place and talking like a rabid goat-herder)- "... it was so loud and you could hear the wind rushing through the house ... it sounded like the doors were going to be ripped off and they nearly were!" Brilliant. 'The doors were ripped off'. No-one died, her house wasn't torn from it's foundations but a door nearly came adrift from it's frame.

Now that's cutting edge reporting for you.

Second Life

No, I'm not talking about the return of Jesus or my alternative, weekend persona - Cassandra. I'm talking about that oh so bizarre phenomenon that is the online, virtual 3D world with over a million 'residents,. I've heard a lot about it in recent weeks and was intrigued to find out what all the fuss was aboutand I took my first tentative steps into this other world today.

It's actually quite an overwhelming experience. Yeah, I know that sounds a bit odd/dramatic/geeky but it's true. The first thing I must say is that Second Life (SL) is NOT a game. It's a whole 'world' filled with virtual people who are created by real people. You can choose to look however you like (200 tweaks can be made) and you can change your appearance whenever you wish. So what do you actually do there? Chat, communicate, share experiences, fly (yes you can fly), build homes, set up businesses - anyting you can do in the real world and a whole lot more.

What's really amazing is that although everything in SL is virtual, there's plenty of real money involved. I haven't learnt all the details yet but I do know that in SL is a virtual currency called the Linden dollar. You can buy virtual dollars with real-world cash. You use this money to buy and rent land, build property and a myriad other services. There are even real-life companies existing in SL. Companies such as Adidas, Dell (you can buy a real PC there), MTV, Reuters, Toyota and the BBC who recreated the 2006 One Big Weekend event on a 64 acre virtual island! Just to demonstrate how big this whole SL thing is, in September 06 the Second Life economy generated US$3,596,674 in economic activity and as of September 2006 Second Life was reported to have a GDP of $64 Million. However, I'm not interested in any of that right now.

I'm just trying to get my hair colour right.

Top 5 websites

I was asked to suggest my top 5 websites for a magazine the other day. I had to write 100 words on each site and why I liked it. I thought it would be easy but, surprisingly, it was much harder than I had expected. You see, in reality, my favourite websites are mostly technology or news-related sites and I thought it would come across a bit narrow-minded if my top 5 were all in the same vein. The other problem was suggesting sites that are really obvious or bog-standard ones like the BBC website. Mind you, I did choose a couple of very well-known sites but hopefully I managed to give a different perspective on them. Gosh, isn't this serious and grown-up?

So what did I choose? Well, I resisted the urge to mention YBATYD which I thought was extremely modest of me. The ones I did choose were: Stuff (gadgets & tech); Google (not the search engine bit - things like Gmail, Reader and docs); Apple (not just Mac's - movie trailers too); Fuel of Britain (Pot Noodle game! 2D platform game where a fat Welsh miner digs fro Pot Noodles); YouTube (yeah I know, but it's a Web 2.0 site so therefore, socially important. Er..)

www.pantswithgravy.com didn't make the cut. Sadly.

Podcast

Just a quick one. It's podcast time again although my podcast site seems to have gone all to cock. I'm working on it. In the meantime, if you haven't done so already, you can subscribe from the podcast site, via iTunes. Just click on the 'podcast' link at the top of the YBATYD blog page. The podcast is available to you now.

It's been a busy weekend as we went to see the panto on Friday followed by the traumatic experience of Christmas shopping yesterday followed by the slightly more enjoyable activity of going to see the new James Bond film, Casino Royale today. It was really pretty great although a million miles away from the glittery, cross-dressing extravaganza that the panto was.

You can't beat watching hairy blokes in dresses, dancing though.

Hello December

Oooh slap my thighs and go to the foot of our stairs. Haven't I been remiss? No postings for two whole days. I think I may have contravened the International Blogging Code of Conduct, section 228k, sub-section 9, paragraph d, point 11a (revised) which states that "the blogger shall, notwithstanding acts of God; force majeure; actual or attempted terrorist actions; flood, fire, earthquake, volcanic eruption, hurricane, tornado, stiff breeze or lack of interest, ensure that a posting (henceforth referred to as 'a posting') shall be actioned on a daily basis insofar and without prejudice, it is feasible and safe (without contravention of local and/or global health & safety regulations) to do so."

So I apologise.

Well, what's happened in those 'missing' days? Well my Xbox 360 returned from Microsoft's repair centre, somewhere in deepest southern England into my excited, sweaty little mitts. Er, that's about it other than to mention our fantastic neighbours over the road who yesterday switched on their absolutely wonderful Christmas lights. They are a joy to behold and I shall endeavour to get a photo for you all soon. I assure you, it'll be worth the wait.

So December is here and that means the festive season is now definitely upon us. Mind you, just about every retail outlet in the land seems to think we want to start buying Christmas presents in bloody September. I really hate that. It's nearly as bad as the January sales that actually start 14 seconds after Christmas day. And don't get me started on Easter.

Prepare for the 'January-Easter-Xmas-Passover-Diwali bonanza sale special'

myTunes

I love iTunes. I currently have (as well as some video, numerous podcasts, a few games and audiobooks) 1,849 songs on my iMac. Apparently, that means I could play a different tune for 5 days, 10 hours, 13 minutes and 40 seconds. That many songs equates to 7.81 gigabytes which is pretty good, especially when my iPod can take another 22 gig's worth of songs before it's full.

Now there's one main reason I love iTunes. It's not the fact that I can now have instant access to my entire music library at any time. Neither is it the fact that I can add songs really quickly and easily whenever I want. No, the reason I really love iTunes is because it's opened my eyes to music I had either never heard, never enjoyed or forgotten about. I still have times when I'm listening to my iPod and song comes on that I've never heard before. Not only that, but because I'm listening to it on my super, noise-cancelling earphones the whole experience becomes more immersive and involving. I have discovered loads of songs that I'd never really listened to before and now find that they are among my favourites. Now that is pretty amazing.

Now I'm not going to be all pro-Apple here. Whichever music player and music system you use, the experience will be pretty much the same. Years ago, I had a Sony Walkman and listened to cassette tapes as I lay in the garden. Yet, almost no-one used these wonderful, but bulky, low audio-quality bits of kit on a daily basis. When the portable CD players came out, they became fairly popular but again, they were bulky. Also, you had to carry around dozens of spare CD's unless you really wanted to hear the same album over and over again. And boy, did they skip if you did anything like walking fast or, dare I say it, dance around a bit.

After the portable CD players had achieved moderate success, we saw the arrival of Minidisc players. I actually have an old Sony model. The sound quality was really good, so an improvement over the cassettes and on a par with the CD's. Where it scored over the CD players was that you could fit multiple albums onto one disc. I managed 5 albums on a disc, although the more music you added, the lower the quality as all the information had to be squeezed more tightly to fit onto the disc. Minidisc never really took off and I only ever bought one 'proper' minidisc album. Thanks Moby. After that, there was a long gap until MP3 players hit the streets and things really heated up when Apple launched the iPod in October 2001. I think we know what happened next.

When I got my iPod for my 40th birthday it was like being a child again. I was so excited and amazed at this revolution in music that appeared when I opened the box. And now I can't imagine not having a portable music player in my possession. I can't imagine not having 1849 songs on my computer. So what's going to happen when the next generation of music format arrives? Perhaps we'll have to grapple with virtual music, liquid sound or nano tunes. Who knows? What I do know is that ABBA were right when they said...

... "Thank you for the music".

ELF Cup and cricket

I've lost interest in this competition since Greenland went out but if anyone is at all bothered, the final was yesterday and the winners of the ELF Cup 2006 were Northern Cyprus. Oh, alright then. If you must. The final score was Northern Cyprus 3 - 1 Crimea. Happy now?

And I'm not going to mention the cricket because a) you may not like cricket, b) you've no idea what cricket is, c) we're performing abysmally against Australia in the Ashes (down under) so I'd rather not mention it . And that's all there is to say about that.

Oh, and the 'vigorous storm' we were told was heading our way the other day? Nothing. A bit of rain and that was it. What an anti-cliamx. At least Birmingham won yet again on Saturday, against Burnley.

Wow, what a stupendously disjointed posting. Oh well, a change is as good as a rest as they say. You can have too much of a good thing can't you. So I thought I'd deliver something that had no structure, format or point to it.

And I think I've succeeded

Exploding nuts

Oh my God. I nearly died today. Well, not actually nearly died but I did almost have a trouser movement. What happened? Well, I had popped down to Tesco's to get some bits 'n' bobs, as you do and I espied some rather nice-looking chestnuts. So, on the spur of the moment, I thought I'd get some.

Right. Cue 20 minutes later and the chezzies are on the old baking tray, cooking away in the oven. Now I've only ever bought roasted chestnuts from one of those funny little roadside stalls, so I was inexperienced in the way of the chezzie. But how hard can it be I thought?

After 8 minutes in the oven I took the baking tray out and the smell of the hot chestnuts enveloped and teased my sense of smell, lulling me into a sort of food-infused daze. My reverie was shattered though by what happened next. I was leaning over the tray, inhaling the delectable odour one of the little b***ards exploded in my face. When I say exploded, I mean exploded. Fragnments of pulverised chestnut shot everywhere, including over my horror-stricken face. As I recoiled in shock I knocked over a china bowl which smashed into pieces on the tiled kitchen floor. I was staggered. I was flabbergasted. I was covered in bits of chestnut.

Chestnuts? Never again.

A touch of wind

Well the forecasters say there's going to be a 'vigorous storm' in the south and central parts of the UK tonight. Crikey. Now if you happen to live in 'tornado alley' in the U.S or in just about anywhere in S.E Asia or indeed many other parts of the world, you'll be more than used to severe weather. However, here in dear old Blighty our weather is, usually, fairly benign.

Mind you, things are a changin'. This summer for example was, if I recall correctly, the hottest ever in the UK. Also, the water table (the level of underground water) is at it's lowest level since records began and has been getting worse in the last few years. We certainly seem to be having more regular extremes of weather anyway. The perception (in Hollywood films at least) of the UK as being permanently shrouded in fog is seriously inaccurate. Nowadays it's either face-melting sun or enough rain to give Noah's Ark a good outing, meaning that we keep breaking all sorts of meteorological records.

Let's hope tonight's 'breeze' isn't one of them.

Farewell Polar Teddy Bears

"Stýrðu hingat eikjunni,ek mun þér stöðna kenna, eða hverr á skipit, er þú heldr við andit?" I've no idea what this means but I do know that it's poetry written in (Western) Greenlandish (Kalaallisut). A fitting testement I think to the brave chaps of the Greenland national footie team who, yesterday, bowed out of the ELF Cup following a 1-0 defeat to Kyrgyzstan. This meant the lads finished third in Group A and were thus eliminated.

It's sad to see them go but we must dry away our Arctic tears and get on with things. Well the semi-finals are being held on Friday (Kyrgyzstan V Crimea and Northern Cyprus V Zanzibar) with the final on Sunday. Northern Cyprus have got to be the favourites after absolutely nailing poor little Tibet 10-0 in the group stage. Just click on this posting's title for more exciting info on the the whole thing.

Well, other than an update on the final, I fear that's about it for the ELF Cup. Alas dear reader, it means a return to the mundane postings about my life and the bizarre thoughts I have. Mind you, if there is anything out there in the big wide world that you think may be of interest to me / the readers, then feel free to email me at 'bornthendie@mac.com' any time and maybe, just maybe we'll find something to rival the awesome ELF Cup...

Surely not?

ELF Cup update 4

I told you this tournament was going to be good. For some reason the Elf Cup chaps have been a tad remiss and not posted any of today's results. I hope there's not been a major catastrophe like the team bus breaking down, or the security bloke at the stadium forgetting to unlock the gates. So, it looks like you'll just have to wait for the big Greenland v Kyrgyzstan result a bit longer.

I just have to say that I absolutely love today's photo. Feel free to click on it for a wonderful, larger version. The picture is of a highly 'talented' Gaguazia player er, tackling a little Greenlander. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life. What the bloody hell is he doing? Mind you, the Greenland player doesn't exactly look like Ronaldo either. In fact they both look like they've just been told that the ball is packed with dynamite and are desperate to get away from it. The Gaguazian chap actually looks like he may have pooed himself with fright! Oh, this is so immature but I'm laughing as I type this ... sorry ... oh dear.

Aside from the super ELF Cup (click on the title of this posting to take you to more fabulous photos from the tournament), I've been training new staff this evening. I always feel sorry for new staff because training, no matter how hard you try, is nearly always a turgid affair. I do try and make it more exciting but sometimes I try a bit too hard and then people just stare blankly at me. However, that didn't happen tonight and I think it all went well. Perhaps the next time I see them, I can tell them all about Greenland's marvellous 'Polar Teddy Bears'.

It's blank stares again isn't it?

Get it Onn

Ooh I love my gadgets. So imagine my joy when my wife suggested yesterday that it was about time we treated ourselves to a DAB (digital) radio. We'd been considering buying one for ages but decided to be all grown-up and cost-conscious. However, when we discovered that Asda (Wal Mart) were flogging a cracking little DAB radio (the exact one that's in the photo, made by Onn) for just £30, we could contain ourselves no longer.

It's just wonderful, especially when you listen to stations that are broadcast on medium wave instead of FM. I listen to a MW station all the time and the reception is often similar to that experienced by Cape Canaveral during the 1960's Apollo missions. On DAB it sounds like liquid glass slicing through soft butter. Er ...

Now, all 30 stations are crystal clear and my wife and I can now switch between our respective favourites with ease. No honestly, it's really exciting. You even get the name of the currently-playing song displayed on the radio! So now the crappy old transistor radio has been banished to the bathroom where it will eventually rot and die. Die. Die! So farewell medium wave and hello digital radio.

Now that's a turn-Onn

ELF cup update 3

Oh you beauties! The Polar Teddy Bears have made my day. My wife and I went to a very jolly christening today which was followed by a magnificent slap-up meal. So that was good enough but upon our return home I checked the results from day one at my beloved ELF cup and guess what? Yep, my chaps did the business over the fellas from that bizarre little segment of Moldova. Here are the results then from the first day:

Gagauzia 0 v 2 Greenland
Kyrgyzstan 0 v 1 Zanzibar
Tibet 0 v 3 Tajikistan

Oh and the photo is the only picture I've managed to find of the Greenland national side.

Don't they look athletic?

Elf Cup update 2

Not so much an update as a countdown. As I write, the cup starts in 11 minutes! It starts at the same time as Birmingham play Wolves in a noon fixture here in the UK. It's all too much. Even the sun is shining brightly on this winter's day. It's a shame I'm working later (on a Saturday too) because I would love a glass of champagne to celebrate. Mind you, the first game isn't until Sunday but it couldn't be a more perfect first match. Yes, it's Gagauzia v Greenland.

Go for it you Polar Teddy Bears!

Podcasts and parking

OK, it's podcast number three tomorrow so you'd better get downloading / subscribing. It's also the start of the ELF cup as well. Oh yes - I know you share my excitement on that one. Mind you, I do think I've been a bit remiss with regards to me, myself, yours truly recently. What do I mean? Well, this is supposed to be a blog that includes the things that I am up to, as well as all the stuff going on in the world in general. So I'm going to ensure you get to hear more of the mundane segments of my life along with the more exciting, global stuff. Oh yes.

However, that can all wait because I'm tired and need to hit the sack. Oh, I nearly forgot - here's a mundane slice of my life, right now. I got stuck in the multi-storey car park for 20 minutes today. It was great. You have to drive up a big curved ramp to get to the car park barrier and when I arrived there today, a car was sitting there doing nothing (apart from having it's engine running and brake lights on). I instantly got annoyed because it only takes 7 nano-seconds to collect a ticket from the ticket machine, the barrier to raise and the car to get going. Well, it turned out that this women tried to pre-pay by credit card (which you can do) but the sodding machine swallowed her card.

After 5 minutes there were 7 cars all backed up the ramp behind me so escape was impossible. What did I do? Scream, shout, beep my horn, rev my engine, sacrifice a lamb? No. I turned the engine off, popped my iPod on and slipped into a chilled-music-induced coma for 15 perfect minutes.

My peace was shattered when a car park attendant (bit of a scrote) lumbered up and started bashing the ticket machine in a sort of Neanderthal-esque attempt to remove the woman's credit card. Well he got it sorted eventually and I finally managed to park my car. I was kind of hoping that the whole thing could have taken much longer and then I could have enjoyed the rest of my wonderfully soporific music, but my joy was cruelly cut short.

Ain't life a bitch?

ELF cup update 1

I just know I'm going to love the ELF cup. If you're new to YBATYD, see the posting from 7th November and you'll get the idea. Well, the hot news is that Afghanistan have been booted out of the cup just days before it's due to start! Apparently it's due to pressure from FIFA. Now as the ELF cup exists specifically because the teams involved, are not or cannot, be recognized by FIFA it begs the question - why have FIFA got involved? Maybe because they want to welcome war-torn, politically unstable Afghanistan into the FIFA bosom? Er ... perhaps not.

The super-exciting / hilarious result of the Afghan withdrawal is that an urgent replacement was obviously required. And where else do you turn when you need a top-notch footballing nation to fill a gap? You turn to the 'Territorial Autonomous Unit of Gagauzia' of course. Yes, I can hear you now - "What and where the bloody hell is the 'Territorial Autonomous Unit of Gagauzia' ?" Well, just a few minutes ago, I asked the same question. Apparently, 'Gagauzia' as it's known is an independent bit of Moldova. Moldova is nestled between Romania and Ukraine. Hope you're enjoying the geography lesson.

OK, so Gagauzia are in the tournament. Unfortunately, there is little info on their footballing achievements. The only thing I've found so far is that they may have a little chap playing for them called Vladimir Zhenunk. Bless him. He's a midfielder and that's about your lot as far as my Gagauzian footie knowledge goes. Please feel free to give me some more info!

One other thing before I finish. I've just checked out the details on the Tibetan national side. Their record defeat was 4-1 against, yes you guessed it, Greenland (God bless those Polar Teddy Bears) but their record win is noted as - none. Oh bless the little Tibetan fellas. They have never won a game. Oh how I wish I were able to go to the ELF cup. Or even watch it on the telly - courtesy of BRT, a Turkish satellite TV station.

Perhaps I'll have a word with Sky ...

Posting poorlyness

What a bizarre title for this posting. I apologise. I was trying to convey two points in one phrase. Clearly it hasn't worked. Oh well. Anyway, the 'posting' bit is a way of saying I'm sorry at the slightly less-than-regular postings this month. Can't really give a reason why but suffice to say that guilt is my constant companion as a result. I shall try and rectify this although I shall give you fair warning that things may well get worse on this front over the next 8 weeks or so as I shall be extremely busy at work. I trust you'll stick with me. OK, please stick with me!

The second bit of the title refers to me feeling a tad under the weather and before all the women reading this, collectively shout "Man flu!" - it bloody well isn't. I'm genuinely not feeling especially magical and even came home early from work today. So there. If you're reading this in some warm and sunny part of the world - I hate you. Well, not hate. That's a bit disingenuous. Perhaps I should just say that I wish I was there and then maybe I wouldn't be feeling so cack. Oh the joys of England in the winter. Mind you, it could be worse.

I could be in Greenland.