Cats are odd

Enough said.

The Scottish Pause

I have a work colleague who is Scottish. She is a very intelligent woman who can not only quote, but dissect and analyize just about any literary work ever written. She has the vocabulary of a poet laureate and the historical knowledge of the Professor of History at Oxford University.

However, she also has an amazing ability to, how shall I put it? Drift. I shall explain. If I ask her a question, such as "Are you going to the meeting this afternoon"? She will not respond immediately. Oh lordy no. The question has obviously permeated her cerebal cortex but then a kind of self-induced trance seems to take effect. I have honestly sat for 30 seconds or more, waiting for a reply. Often I give up waiting and repeat the question. This invariably elicits a sort of awakening accompanied by a small spasm and then a "oh, sorry" and she's back in the room.

Is it a Scottish thing I wonder? Probably.

Lighthouses and randomness

I don't think I'll ever discover how my mind works. Example - I was just sitting here at work having my lunch 'al-desko' and suddenly had the urge to find out about lighthouses. I've since learnt, in the last 1 minute, that Cornwall has 10 lighthouses, the Association of Lighthouse Keepers has a quarterly journal called 'The Lamp' and the Tasman Island Lighthouse (in Tasmania) is 100 years old on 2nd April 2006. Now, fascinating as this info may be, I can't help but wonder why in God's name my mind makes such random decisions.

I am a very spur-of-the-moment sort of person and often make decisions which I instantly regret. Like the time I put both my feet on the handlebars of my bike when I was 11. Or the time I accepted a summer job at a watercress processing factory. However, these sort of decisions are fairly common for many people. The lighthouse thing is rather different.

I am convinced that my sub-conscious mind actually wears the trousers in the 'conscious / sub-conscious' relationship that exists inside my cranium. The result is that I think or say things that often take me completely by surprise. This would explain why when I say something funny, I actually laugh at it as much as everyone else in the room.

On reflection, perhaps I'm just mad.

My parent's fabulous phrases

My mum and dad invented some rather excellent words and phrases which were oft used in our household. Here they are:

Buppy - Bread and butter (Mum)
Smiddock - A small amount of food - usually cheese (Dad)
Kapercals - Testicles. Pronounced cap-urr-culls (Dad)
Boosies - Bosoms (Mum)
Supplementary - An additional (large) alcoholic drink (Dad)
Tootie-down - The act of a lady squatting down for an outdoor wee (Mum)
Trouser-cough - A fart (Dad)
Cushion-creeper - A fart surreptitiously relased on a soft sofa (Dad)

Genius

Differences between men and women. No.2

Bosoms.

Usually.

Feeling Forty?

Well, I'm now officially 40. Now what's that saying? "Life begins at 40"? Right, so I take it that means your life is supposed to take on a whole new, vibrant and 'go-for-it' approach. The worries and constraints of your life so far are cast aside in a frenzy of new beginnings and spirutal enlightenment.

I bought some new pants from Tesco.

So I might be missing something here, but why 40? Surely the time to take on the world is either when you're young enough to have no responsibilities and boundless energy, or old enough to have enough time and money to do what the hell you want. At 40 you're right in the middle of it all. Maybe I'm wrong...

... I should have just thrown caution to the wind and bought a thong instead.