Naughty pussy

Apple yesterday launched its new operating system (OS X 10.5) Leopard. Now don't worry, I'm not going to prattle on about all things Mac but I I just want it put on record that I'm quite excited.

I love shiny, techie, gadgety things. So I will love Leopard. However, out of all the things that people have written about concerning Apple's latest OS - Spaces, Time Machine, Stacks, Core Animation etc, the best thing I've seen is pictured above.

Some chap was poking around his Leopard (so to speak)and this is what he said: "I am running Leopard and in the Finder sidebar under 'shared' I noticed there were different pictures for Macs and PCs on the network. The Macs look like the new iMac but by the pc it is a crappy looking monitor displaying the 'blue screen of death'! Thought I would point this out. Apple is funny… "

Isn't it great that with all this super-advanced technology and incredible complexity, the art of good old fashioned piss-taking is not lost? Nice one Mr Jobs. Your cat is well trained.

Meow...

An England 1-2-3

Yep. We did it again. We lost at football, rugby and Formula One, all in the space of a few days. England lost to Russia in the Euro 2008 football qualifiers. This means there's a good chance we won't make the finals next summer. England lost 15-6 to South Africa in the rugby world cup final and Lewis Hamilton finished seventh in the Brazilian grand prix, to miss out on becoming world champion in his first year. There's still some hope for him though, due to alleged fuel irregularities by Williams and BMW Sauber. If all the affected drivers are disqualified, then Lewis takes the title. It's a long shot, but it's our only hope of restoring a bit of national pride...

Unless Timmy Mallet makes a TV comeback.

Alt Gr joy

I have to use a PC at work. I always hanker after my lovely iMac when I'm away from home because I just prefer Mac's to PC's. I know that Macs will always do the things I want in a way that makes me smile.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered something completely by accident today. Something I cannot do on my Mac. It was near the end of the working day and I was gazing at my beige keyboard - as you do. My eyes landed on a key that I'd never really noticed and certainly never, ever used. It was the 'Alt Gr' key.

I asked my esteemed colleague, if she had any idea what the bloody hell this key was for. She thought for about 11 nano-seconds and then said "no". So I pressed it. Nothing. Then I pressed it and held it down whilst a bashed numerous other keys. Nada. So then I held it down again and using my fist, pressed about 13 keys at once.

The screen went black. "Ooops" I thought. And then, "oh shit". The screen was upside down. And the mouse controls were reversed too. My colleague fair pee'd herself laughing. Frantically, I re-booted. It came back - upside down. The whole thing. Everything had gone anitipodean. I was laughing too, but it was that slightly nervous, how-do-I-explain-this-to-IT sort of laugh.

I held down the 'Alt Gr' key once more and tried to think rationally. I surmised that 'Alt Gr' probably stood for 'alternate gravity' - obviously. This made sense to me because the screen was upside down and that was sort of what would happen if gravity was reversed right? OK, I was thinking like a complete tit, but it was all I had. Anyway, I guessed that if I was holding the 'alternate gravity' key down, then the best key to press along with it (to restore gravity, as it were) would be the 'down arrow' key. I pressed it.

The screen went black and then ... bingo! The screen was back to normal with the top bit at the top and the bottom bit at ... well you get the idea. I was overjoyed. I pressed the 'Alt Gr' key again and this time combined it with the 'left arrow' key. The screen flipped onto its side! What joy.

I had discovered a fantastic way to bugger up your work colleagues/friends/family's PC's that would leave them stressed, confused and wanting to cry. Now obviously I am not endorsing playing such a cruel practical joke on people.

But now you know how to do it ...

Leaning Desk Syndrome

My desk at works leans. My colleague's desk leans too. So either we both co-incidentally, have leaning desks or the whole building is on the wonk. Now if that's the case then it means my workplace has subsidence which is clearly a major safety issue. Therefore, I shall have no option but to leave my job which will result in me being unable to pay the mortgage and then it will get reposessed by the bank and I shall end up living in a Zanussi freezer box, near the bins behind Dolland & Aitchison.

Alternatively, I can just place a small piece of cardboard under the legs to correct the lean and then everything will be fine. Unless, whilst lifting the desk up and stooping to place the cardboard under the legs, I cause my vertebrae to collapse, rendering me unable to walk which will mean I can no longer work which will result in me being unable to pay the mortgage and ... etc etc.

Actually, how do you use a spirit level?

A week?

Bloody hell. I just came on to do a little posting and to my shock, discover that I've written diddly squat in the last seven days. I reckon senility must be creeping up on me cos I'm sure I wrote something the other day. Or was that just a shopping list?

So, what is the subject du jour? I've no idea, so I'll just have to see what happens as I type. Er ... hmmm. Well ... Er ...

I'll get back to you