Hot 'Hot Fuzz'

I loved it - the new 'Hot Fuzz' film with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead). Cracking action, humour and great gags. I loved the swear box with the list of rude words and their penalty. N*b was a 10p fine and I'm not going to mention the swear word which justified the £2 fine.

Nick Frost was hilarious as the country-bumpkin village bobby and I still laughed out loud at the fence jumping bit, although I'd seen it in the trailer loads of times. The massive shoot-out scene/s are just wonderful and I especially enjoyed the beautifully coiffured granny giving it the full bifters with the mother of all machine guns.

I could waffle on but it's accidentally now tomorrow (Wednesday) and I need some sleep. Suffice to say, a great action comedy with some truly memorable scenes. As well as some great dialogue uttered by Danny Butterman (Frost), including this question he asks Nicholas Angel (Pegg) as he's sitting in a classroom with a load schoolchildren:

Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?

Boots and stuff

OK, I just realised that it's Sunday and I've not posted since Wednesday! I'm glad my car is more reliable than I am. Honestly, I'm rubbish sometimes. However, I'm clean, loyal and can use the toilet.

Well anyway, here's a summary of my life over the last few days. On Friday we had some chums round. They're a great couple and we always have a jolly evening when they visit (or, indeed, when we visit them) full of good food, good drinks and great chitty-chatting. On Saturday, me and my wife headed out on a mission - to get my birthday boots. We were fantastically successful (see the pic of some boots just like mine) in that we got a £100 pair for just £50. Bargain. She's great at hunting out bargains. We also got the cat a new cat-blanket thing due to us having to throw the old one in the bin due to an excessive amount of cat vomit being dumped on it last week. I did try and wash it in a bucket, in the garden but it must have been some sort of nuclear sick because even proper washing powder couldn't shift it. What a cat.

Today's been a tad lazy. This is mainly due to the rather dismal weather. However, I did witness the Arsenal and Chelsea bods having some pagga during the League Cup final which, sadly, Chelsea won. I just get bored with them winning everything at the moment. Just wait until Birmingham get back in the Premiership. Er ...

I'll tell you all about my craptacular Tesco savings experience soon as well as an upcoming hair-related event. Oh yes. And, I've also decided to start posting a few stories from my childhood. Nothing amazing, just the usual stuff like how I nearly died, our mental, lorry-chasing dog, my head-in-a-bus-door trauma and my church-based trouser accident.

Game on.

'Bob on' boiler

Hooray! It's like the bloody Maldives in our house now. The boiler is fixed and it didn't cost a penny. Boiler repairs is one of the dullest subjects known to man but when you've had no heating or hot water for a couple of days, it becomes a truly wonderful subject.

It was actually a tiny problem caused be, er, me. I should have checked the pressure on the boiler rather more than 3 times in two years. A simple thing but I forgot. Anyway, the boiler ended up with a bit of low pressure and .. and *yawn*... Anyway, the good news is that it's all fixed and working beautifully. The two chaps who came to sort it were great and a real credit to their company - Worcester Bosch. They got here dead early too. When I rang cuzzer services they came out with that standard (and dreaded) phrase "any time between 8am and 6pm". That always means hanging round the house for the whole day, only for them to arrive at 5.57pm. These chaps were different though. 8.24am they arrived. I was still in my pants. Mind you, I didn't greet them at the door in my trolleys, I did dress first. I'm no 'baked beaner'.

Well after a jolly half hour they were all done and they even gave the boiler a really good 'once over' before departing. Now being three blokes, at first, there was a lot of silence amongst us as one bloke checked the boiler, the other bloke checked the bloke checking the boiler and I checked the boiler-checker and the boiler-checker-checker. However, we soon found a common subject which resulted in some long, humorous and lively banter. Yes, we talked about footie. Fear not though dear reader, I won't re-live the football chit chat as I know some/most of you have no interest in 'the beautiful game' at all. Apart from the ELF Cup of course. Either way, the chaps and I had a good natter and I soon felt my feminine side evaporating. I didn't even offer them a cup of tea.

Suffice to say, the whole visit was very jolly and the blokes were really efficient and friendly. The other bonus of course was that our house no longer feels like 1970's East German warehouse in mid-winter and, apart from the cat vomitting this morning, the world now feels a whole lot warmer and more wonderful.

I think I'll just sit back and relax in my pants.

Off the boil(er)

It's winter. It's cold. We have gas central heating. Our boiler broke. Oh dear. Well, actually, it's not such terrible news. I was just being dramatic in the hope of some sympathy. OK, here's the exciting details: yesterday morning we found that the boiler (a very compact 'combi' boiler) had cried during the night. There was a fair amount of water on the kitchen work surface, but not enough to make you shout "quick, run, tsunami!" Anyway, we had to switch the thing off to prevent anything serious happening to it and of course, as a result, off went the heating and the hot water.

The good news was (and is) that a) it's pretty mild this week (about 52F in the day and 48F at night) and b) we have an electric shower and c) a gas fire in the lounge. This is all very good news. So yes, the house is a a tad chilly but really not that bad at all. Anyway, I called a recommended plumber/boiler company and arranged for them to come and 'do their thang' on Weds morning. This was the earliest they could come out. We didn't bother to call the manufacturer as we'd had the boiler for nearly two years so it would be well out of warranty by now.

However, I decided to have a quick look at their website and discovered that they cover their boilers for 24 months. Tentatively, I called their cuzzer service department and joy of joys, they confirmed that it is still covered under the warranty. They are sending a little chap round tomorrow who will hopefully fix the leak and we'll be back in business. Obviously, I may well post tomorrow saying that it's all gone horribly wrong, will cost thousands and we'll have to make a camp fire out of the cat, just to keep warm. Oh well, either way, I'm off to have a lovely warm shower now.

Oh God, I hope there's not a power cut.

Happy Birthday to me

It's my birthday today. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Of course there has to be a downside doesn't there? I'm working later on. Bugger. Never mind, I shall still be able to absorb the warm glow of love from family & friends. As part of my birthday indulgence, my wife has just zoomed off to Tesco to buy me some fake bacon so I can enjoy a luxury brekkie. Oh yes, I know how to live it up.

Prezzies this year are mainly in the form of cash (as requested by moi) cos I want to buy some funky walking boots so that we can go tramping over protected heathlands and enviromentally-delicate conservation areas whilst getting fit and healthy. Manky old trainers just don't cut it when your trudging through a peaty bog. Mind you, I haven't trudged through a peaty bog since I went on a miserable, November school trip to Wales in 1837.

Well now I'm 41 and all the hullaballoo of last year is but a distant memory. The only major event I have to look forward to now is being 50 in 9 years time ... er, that's a bit depressing so I'll not continue on that train of thought.

So happy birthday to me and to everyone else who has a birthday today: another Rich whom I work with, another chap with whom I work with, Paris Hilton, Barry Humphries, Norman Pace, Rene Russo, Patricia Routledge, Michael Jordan, Denise Richards, Ruth Rendell and Gene Pitney although Gene won't exactly be celebrating due to not being alive. Have a great birthday everyone, wherever you are.

I know I will!

Techno Ten Pin

All hail Ten Pin bowling. It's ball-chucking, lane-smashing, skittle-killing fun for everyone. But wait. Imagine your usual ten pin bowling experience with that added pizzazz of flashing, strobing, moving, multi-coloured lights, theatrical smoke and a thumping techno-beat. Oh yeah baby! You have Techno Ten Pin.

Four of us went bowling last night and we were expecting the bog standard (but fun) experience. However, as we waited to collect our oh-so-attractive, MegaBowl shoes, this huge, pounding beat started vibrating my vertebrae and we realised that something special was about to happen. Then all the lighting changed and we were plunged into a late 1980's techno dance club - but with balls.

It was fantastic. One big advantage was that the lighting and fake smoke hid the general tardiness and detritus that prevails in our local bowling alley. Also, it really made for some interesting bowling actions as you found yourself 'techno-ing' your way up the bowling lane before unleashing (at an average speed of 5.26 mph) your ball into the smoky, strobed abyss where the UV-lit skittles lurked. The whole atmosphere was fab and it obviously helped focus my mind just like Luke Skywalker's did when Obi-Wan was helping him nail the Death Star - "let the force be with you". Even at 5.26 mph. As a result I was victorious in both games (126 and 131) although I thrice failed to make a 'turkey' which is, apparently, 3 strikes in a row. Maybe I'll nail a turkey next time.

Gobble that, Skywalker!

Gorgeous crunchy snack of the day

You can't beat a puff. Especially a crunchy, sweet-chilli flavoured one. I just bought a bag of these beauties from a deli and they are SO delicious. Unfortunately they cost £2 for the 150g bag, which is a tad pricey. Mind you, my gob is still experiencing a post-nookie style afterglow as a result of the passionate assault on my taste buds. Yum.

I've emailed the company - 'Olives Et Al' (click on the posting title for a link)to find out where else (other than the odd deli) they sell their stuff so I'll report back as soon as I get a reply. Maybe they'll see this posting and send me some free puffs.

You can't beat a free puff.

Love love love

Despite my last post, I'm not a miserable git. Hell no! I love my wife. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my cat. I love YOU dear reader. I love loving and I love love. I love being loved. I love the love of loves loving loveness with lovely love.

Love it!

Happy Valentines Day

Well love is in the air today. However, me being me, I'm going to have a moan. Valentines day really annoys me. Why does love have to happen on 14th February? Why does love cost nine times as much on 14th February? Why are you called un-loving if you ignore 14th February?

Bloody commercialism. That's why.

My wife and I buy each other a card, just to prove that we haven't forgotten that it's 'Commercial Love Day' but we refuse to waste our money on buying massively over-priced flowers or having to endure that nightmare scenario of two hundred couples crammed into a grotty Pizza Express, trying to demonstrate their undying love for one another by ordering extra toppings for their 12 inchers.

Love and romance should happen spontaneously and naturally. Now this might sound like real bah-humbug stuff but it all seems so obvious. If you go for a romantic meal on 15th Febuary, you a) have a quiet romantic meal; b) enjoy the experience; c) did it because you felt like it; d) can afford to have a better quality wine and really treat yourselves. If you go on the 14th February, none of the above is true.

I feel special if something romantic happens to me on 23rd May or 7th October. Why? Because the date isn't the important thing - the gesture is what matters. Birthdays are different. They actually celebrate an event. And birth is a pretty big event. So keep sending the birthday cards. I dunno about Christmas. I'll rant about that another time.

So, let's see love flourish on every day of the year. Why not surprise the one you cherish on a day other than 14th February? Now that would truly be a sign of love. However, if you are celebrating today, then I hope you enjoy your chocolates, flowers, declaration of love, painted on a twenty foot banner, draped from a bridge, romantic dinner, edible underwear or whatever you have planned.

Just remember to start saving for next year.

And so...

My mind's a blank 'cos I can't think of anything exciting to tell you so I've simply posted a photo that I took last week. Hope you like it and I promise to post some thrilling stuff as of next week. And for those of you that got 4 inches, lucky you.

I'm talking snow ...

Snow my a**e

We've been warned all week about the impending severe weather, in the form of snow, which was due to "blanket" much of England today. OK so some parts of the UK really did have enough snow to cause a bit of disruption but honestly! All the TV stations had reporters around the country telling us how "appalling" and "treacherous" conditions were as they stood next to completely snow-free roads full of cars zooming along without a care in the world. The snow was just melting immediately on the super-gritted roads and even away from the roads, the snow was only lying about 2cm deep. It was hilarious seeing these reporters trying their damnedest to make the whole thing look and sound exciting and dangerous, when it wasn't.

Of course at the slightest hint of snow, schools are shut, the trains get cancelled, airports close and traffic grinds to a halt for no reason. Sure, there really were some places that did get a massive (9cm) of snow but you'd think we'd just entered a bloody ice age. However, what really annoyed me was that we actually got bugger all. It 'snowed' for about 4 hours but it was that really crappy snow that looks like miniscule pieces of polystyrene. All it did was waft about for a bit, land and melt. Rubbish. We'd being getting ready for a white-out and all we got was a feeble sprinkling of icing sugar.

"Blanket" of snow? More like a bloody tea towel.

Apple takes a bite

Yes I know you know. You know that I love my iMac. Now I don't want to get all computery (if that's not a word then it should be) on you but as you may or may not aware, there is a long history of rivalry, even naked aggression between PC users and Mac users. Personally I think people should just use which ever one they like (there's Linux too but that's just getting anal) and be happy with it.

However, Mac's are better.

No, sorry about that. There I go again. To be objective here, I use a Mac at home and a PC at work. For me, it's just a personal preference. I enjoy using my Mac and I don't especially enjoy PC's. And yes, I have run a PC at home for a few years in between Mac usage. I have a very dear friend of mine who got me all sorted (he built me one)with a PC and I was very grateful. It's just that ... I missed using a Mac and so, and I sort of 'retired' my PC to the loft two years ago where it still resides between the Xmas decorations and a box of photos. Sorry mate.

Anyway, the video here is the latest in Apple's Get A Mac campaign thing. I'm not going into all the PC v Mac bickering nonsense but I just had to put this ad up 'cos it really made me laugh. Whether or not it's fact or fiction, it definitely tickled my funnybone. Click on the title of this posting to go to the Apple ads directly. I hope you enjoy it for just being funny and not because it takes the urine out of Windows Vista.

Vista is funny though.

Bugger

I have forgotten to post for the last few days and there's only 10 mins left of Sunday. I had a work trauma on Saturday which was quite dramatic but as I don't tell you about my work (for reasons of international security) I can't divulge any more. Suffice to say it involved an ambulance, 400 people and me being the focus of much attention.

We went for a big walk today and it felt like summer. I even saw a butterfly. Honest to God. My wife and I feel super-chilled after 4 hours in the lovely, sunny countryside. My wife actually said that the unseasonably warm temperatures (caused by global warming) "made you feel better". Well that's that then. Always look on the bright side. Hope you like the photo - it's one I took today.

I'm sure the sun is getting closer.

55 degrees? In February?

Yes it's all too true. The temperature outside my house at 1.31pm today was 55 degrees farenheit (12.7 C) which is, well, frankly wrong. Apparantly, this January was the warmest in the UK since 1916 which is before even I was born.

Now whilst these mild temperatures are a great way to save money on the old heating bills, it's not so good for the flora and fauna. We've already got flowers starting to emerge which aren't due to appear for another 6-8 weeks and only yesterday I saw a bee wafting around the herbacious borders. Now assuming that we do actually get a bit of proper winter soon, the bees and the daffs are going to get nailed by any hard frost that turns up. Not good news if your a bee or a flower.

Having thought about it, there was only one night in the whole of January where we had a frost. That's berserk. I also learned today that grass grows when the temperature is above 5 degrees C. And true to form, our grass is growing like mad. I'm actually going to have to do some mowing - in February! Well, if this is global warming, we'd better start getting used to some big changes and I don't just mean winter grass growth either. Things could get serious much earlier than the boffins have predicted and I don't believe we're ready for it. A sobering thought indeed.

Oh well, at least we'll save money on foreign holidays.