Keep Right On

It's a tough life being a football fan. Especially if you're one of those poor sods who decides to actually watch your team in the flesh. And even more so if you follow them around the country. I am one of those people.

And as you may or may not know (or care), I am a Birmingham City fan. Which in itself could be considered a mental health condition. Alas, if it is, it's an incurable one. On the bright side, I am not alone in my er, affliction. Which is a real bonus. Knowing that when you're driving hundreds of miles, in the middle of winter to far-flung locations, other deluded souls are doing the same. They may be on a coach, a train or in a car but the calling is the same. And as a Birmingham supporter, that calling is often unrewarded.

Now if you have no interest in footie, that's fine. This is more about shared emotions. There can be moments of great joy. Sheer, unadulterated happiness and euphoria. There can be long periods of tedium, frustration and anger. And there can be times of desolation, despair and utter hopelessness. And all of these emotions are shared with thousands of strangers.

Sharing such intense emotions with people you don't know can be a liberating experience and one that is hard to replicate outside of a football stadium, unless you consider other sports which attract a lifelong, generational following. It's just that football seems include a wider spectrum of the population. A broader demographic range of people which makes that sharing of feelings so much more surprising.

And travelling to an away game intensifies the experience even more. You're surrounded by people who really care about their club. They make the time and financial commitment that others don't. So their passion and emotion is concentrated and heightened. And being amongst hundreds or even thousands of people with that much investment in 90 minutes of sporting action can be addictive. 

Which is why I drove a 310 mile round trip to see my team take on Ipswich Town. I won't bore you with the details of the match or even an account of our season so far (that really is another story) but suffice to say that 'turgid' is a word that springs to mind. OK, it was 1-1 but even this drab affair resulted in passionate discussions, shared frustrations and a sense of all being in it together. A kind of dark humour. A shared struggle couple with a wry smile and of course, some rude songs. 

It's kind of appropriate that the club's anthem (sung at every match) is 'Keep Right On (To The End Of The Road)'. And we do indeed keep right on. 

Even when the road is full of potholes.

Ups and downs

We all have our ups and downs and despite being a blogging legend, I too can feel the force of life's highs and lows. Winter doesn't help. Especially the miserable sodding affair that is the British winter. Rain, rain and more rain. It's enough to depress Mr Happy Hap McHappy from Happytown in Happyshire.

Nonetheless, us Brits are used to cack weather and so find ways and means of distracting ourselves during the long, dark winter months. One of these ways is to talk about the weather. Whilst meteorology is a fascinating subject, you can have too much of it, particularly when you've been getting soaked, blown and frozen by it for weeks on end. So I don't talk about the weather much between November and March.

Instead I prefer to revel in the joys of films, my Xbox 360, football, my iMac, food, shiny electrical objects of desire and my wife. Obviously this list is written in reverse order. So when confronted by a really crappy winter's day, I cheer myself with an hour or two of high definition machine-gunning and grenade-lobbing, followed by a joyous time in the kitchen, preparing my latest tuna-based culinary delight and topped off with a cracking film starring Sandra Bullock or that woman out of that film with the hair and eyes.

Suffice to say I have plenty of ammo in happy-happy-joy-joy arsenal to keep the winter blues at bay. However, talking of 'blues' - Birmingham lost today which has put me in a foul mood so I'm going to bed.

Winter my arse.

McLeish leaves Scotland for Blues

Hooray!

Brucie leaves Blues for Wigan

Bugger.

Cheerio Mourinho

Oh bless his little cotton socks. Details are still sketchy but the jolly, laugh-a-minute ex-Chelsea boss has departed Stamford Bridge with a rumoured £20,000,000 pay off. I just hope that softens the blow for little fella.

Ain't life cruel sometimes?

Promoted!

I was obviously so excited about this news that I forgot to write about it. Well, as mentioned previously, Birmingham's chance of promotion to the Premiership was in the balance on Sunday. Well ... thank you Crystal Palace. Oh yeah. They beat Derby 2-0 which meant that the Blues (along with Sunderland) were automatically promoted into the most famous league in the world. No not the West Arbroath Ladies' Under 9's - The Premier League of course.

So it was joy unbounded. My dear chum who is a Derby fan even rang me to tell me the news. It was weird because my wife and I and some friends were just returning from a 7 mile stroll through the countryside (is 7 miles actually a stroll?) enjoying much humorous chit chat, including discussing our favourite toilet roll of choice. Anyway, all of this meant that I totally forgot about the drama which was unfolding down in The Big Smoke. So it was a very pleasant surprise when my phone rang and I heard the news which meant that the Blues are back in the big time. How exciting! I wonder what next season will bring?

Relegation probably.

Blues 2 - 0 MOT

Oh yes. Get in. Result. Hubba hubba. Well I'm sure you were all having trouble concentrating/eating/operating machinery as you awaited the result of my dreaded MOT. Well dear readers, fear not. By a miracle of the Lord himself (should that be a capital 'H'?)my car, somehow, passed it's MOT. I was truly staggered and relieved at this news which nearly made my day.

However, it was bettered by some even better news. Yes, Birmingham nailed Sheffield Wednesday 2-0 this afternoon, sending us back to the top of the league. The situation now is that Derby must win in their match tomorrow - away at Crystal Palace to prevent us being promoted back to the Premiership. If they manage it, it will all be decided on the last game of the season, next week. My underpants are fair melting at the seams in anticipation. As I'm sure yours are too.

If footie ain't your thing, how about this? There was an earthquake here in Blighty today. Seriously. It was in Kent and measured 4.3 on the old Rectum scale. Or is that Richter scale? Anyway, the hilarious thing that made the whole story so wonderfully British was the report that a row of beach huts had to be evacuated for fear of a landslide! No death and destruction or buildings and bridges collapsing - just some wooden changing rooms under threat from a bit of mud.

I love this country.

Football fever

I always promise not to talk about football and I have to say - I'm pretty good at sticking to that promise. So I have no qualms about giving you some footie news today because it's really important. Well to me anyway.

My team - Birmingham City - could be promoted back to the Premiership this weekend. Oh yes. However, being Birmingham, we'll probably be lucky to escape relegation. Jesting aside and for those of you who actually care (that'll be just me then), if Derby lose at Crystal Palace tomorrow and we win at home against Sheffield Wednesday today and if it snows more than 7cm on the high street in Nuuk, the capital of Greenland - then we WILL be promoted.

Exciting isn't it? No? OK well in other news: On Thursday I found myself standing next to a bloke at a cash machine who was holding a full-size Scooby Doo costume, the other night. On Tuesday my wife and I sat in an Apple store watching a demonstration of Garageband which was being given by a member of staff. This was especially amusing as we were the only two people watching (they brought out seats for us) and it was our wedding anniversary. I know how to show a lady a good time. Mind you we did have a posh meal out that night so I'm not a total gonk.

And finally today - my car has it's MOT. A sense of dread and foreboding is sitting in my lower regions as I write because I am confident that it's going to be an expensive day. I haven't had anything major go wrong with mons petit voiture since I bought it and I've just got a feeling that today will be payback time. I shall let you know the outcome.

I still have a bicycle in the garage.

Executive joy part 2

How the other half live eh? My wife and I went to watch Leicester V Birmingham (footie) tonight. However, this was no ordinary trip. My fab brother-in-law has an executive box at Leicester and tonight we got to be VIP's.

Even before we got upstairs to the executive box area, we shared a lift with a multi-millionaire. Yes indeedy. The three of us approached the lift where we encountered what looked like a lift attendant in a long black coat with red epaulletes on the shoulders. He looked like a very short Russian soldier. But no - he was only David Sullivan - the owner of Birmingham City. We all got in the lift and he shuffled to the back, where he stood looking rather odd, especially as he was only about 5' 3" tall. He got out before us and wandered off in the direction of the director's box. He really was a funny little man. Oh, and fabulously wealthy.

Then we got to the executive box. It was amazing - table for 12 laid for dinner, Sky TV, fridge full of drinks, wine and nibbles, our own balcony with seats and a great view of the pitch (see the pic). We had a slap-up dinner and plenty of booze before kick off and then dessert, cheese & crackers along with tea, coffee and biscuits at half time. At the end of the game, following Blues' vital win, there was more wine and beer to be had before we wafted out of the ground and back to our car.

The excitement was not quite over though, for as we weaved our way slowly back past the ground on our way we home, we pulled out on front of this huge Bentley that sported a private number plate: D GOLD. This time, the VIP in question was the co-owner of Birmingham - David Gold. Obviously I was in a good mood so I gave him the thumbs-up and a cheery pair of celebratory, raised fists. He smiled at me and gave me the thumbs up too! His chauffeur (yeah, I know) was busy driving, so Dave could concentrate on acknowledging the grinning idiot in the 1.2l Vauxhall Corsa. Bless me. So all in all, a brilliant experience and a great result.

Unless you support Leicester.

Executive joy part 1

Leciester City 1 - 2 Birmingham City. What a great win for the Blues and what a way to see the match. Read part 2 for all the details. Meanwhile, here's a grainy video of the Blues first goal of the game.

Beautiful!

Wemberleee

This isn't a post. Well, alright, it clearly is a post but what I mean is, it's really just a marker. By that, I mean that it's here simply to record an noteworthy event. Bear in mind though that this is noteworthy as far as I am concerned so don't expect anything really important like the start of the war in Iraq or the discovery of a real, working brain inside George Bush's head.

Nope, this is simply an historical note to say that the new Wembley stadium hosted it's first footie match yesterday, Saturday. This is, indeed an historic event in the world of footie, despite the fact that the match was a rather feeble under 21's match between England and Italy. It ended 3-3, so no England victory and worse still, the first ever goal scored at the £800 million, 90,000 stadium was not by an Englishman. Typical. Oh well, the stadium looks absolutely stunning although as it's still getting it's safety certificates, the crowd on Saturday was limited to 60,000 lucky punters. So, there it is. My first 'marker' post.

Isn't learning great?

Boots and stuff

OK, I just realised that it's Sunday and I've not posted since Wednesday! I'm glad my car is more reliable than I am. Honestly, I'm rubbish sometimes. However, I'm clean, loyal and can use the toilet.

Well anyway, here's a summary of my life over the last few days. On Friday we had some chums round. They're a great couple and we always have a jolly evening when they visit (or, indeed, when we visit them) full of good food, good drinks and great chitty-chatting. On Saturday, me and my wife headed out on a mission - to get my birthday boots. We were fantastically successful (see the pic of some boots just like mine) in that we got a £100 pair for just £50. Bargain. She's great at hunting out bargains. We also got the cat a new cat-blanket thing due to us having to throw the old one in the bin due to an excessive amount of cat vomit being dumped on it last week. I did try and wash it in a bucket, in the garden but it must have been some sort of nuclear sick because even proper washing powder couldn't shift it. What a cat.

Today's been a tad lazy. This is mainly due to the rather dismal weather. However, I did witness the Arsenal and Chelsea bods having some pagga during the League Cup final which, sadly, Chelsea won. I just get bored with them winning everything at the moment. Just wait until Birmingham get back in the Premiership. Er ...

I'll tell you all about my craptacular Tesco savings experience soon as well as an upcoming hair-related event. Oh yes. And, I've also decided to start posting a few stories from my childhood. Nothing amazing, just the usual stuff like how I nearly died, our mental, lorry-chasing dog, my head-in-a-bus-door trauma and my church-based trouser accident.

Game on.

'Bob on' boiler

Hooray! It's like the bloody Maldives in our house now. The boiler is fixed and it didn't cost a penny. Boiler repairs is one of the dullest subjects known to man but when you've had no heating or hot water for a couple of days, it becomes a truly wonderful subject.

It was actually a tiny problem caused be, er, me. I should have checked the pressure on the boiler rather more than 3 times in two years. A simple thing but I forgot. Anyway, the boiler ended up with a bit of low pressure and .. and *yawn*... Anyway, the good news is that it's all fixed and working beautifully. The two chaps who came to sort it were great and a real credit to their company - Worcester Bosch. They got here dead early too. When I rang cuzzer services they came out with that standard (and dreaded) phrase "any time between 8am and 6pm". That always means hanging round the house for the whole day, only for them to arrive at 5.57pm. These chaps were different though. 8.24am they arrived. I was still in my pants. Mind you, I didn't greet them at the door in my trolleys, I did dress first. I'm no 'baked beaner'.

Well after a jolly half hour they were all done and they even gave the boiler a really good 'once over' before departing. Now being three blokes, at first, there was a lot of silence amongst us as one bloke checked the boiler, the other bloke checked the bloke checking the boiler and I checked the boiler-checker and the boiler-checker-checker. However, we soon found a common subject which resulted in some long, humorous and lively banter. Yes, we talked about footie. Fear not though dear reader, I won't re-live the football chit chat as I know some/most of you have no interest in 'the beautiful game' at all. Apart from the ELF Cup of course. Either way, the chaps and I had a good natter and I soon felt my feminine side evaporating. I didn't even offer them a cup of tea.

Suffice to say, the whole visit was very jolly and the blokes were really efficient and friendly. The other bonus of course was that our house no longer feels like 1970's East German warehouse in mid-winter and, apart from the cat vomitting this morning, the world now feels a whole lot warmer and more wonderful.

I think I'll just sit back and relax in my pants.

Life is cruel

I just don't want to talk about it. Honestly. The other day we beat Newcastle United 5-1 at their place and tonight we lose 3-1 at home to bottom of the league Southend United. That's Southend United.

Anyway, aside from that gut-wrenching result, it's nice to welcome back some of my lovely readers who have returned to YBATYD after my short break.

At least you can rely on something/someone in this world...

Out of the Blues

Well I never. Not only am I finally better (five days of poorlyness) but I received a massive boost to aid my recovery, last night. I was already feeling more like my old self as I settled down to watch Birmingham take on Newcastle United in their FA Cup, third round replay. It was at Newcastle's place and as they are in the league above us and had won a great match at Spurs just a few days ago, my expectations were a tad on the low side.

I should not have worried. Birmingham ran out 5-1 winners! They were just magnificent and with every goal Blues scored, I just felt better and better. And to top it off, I've since learned that this was Newcastle's biggest home defeat in the Cup since 1914. How fantastic is that? If only you could get footie tickets on the NHS.

So that result has definitely lifted me out of the blues and now I can look forward to going back to work.

Erm ...

You'd be proud Mrs Curbishley

Alan Curbishley is a football manager. Today, he was announced as the new manager of Premiership team West Ham Utd. As well as being a manager, he was previously a player at several clubs including West Ham and Birmingham City. I remember watching him play for the Blues back in the early 1980's.

It was also at this time that I used to insist that my mum should learn all the names of the Blues players. This was so I could impress my mates with my mum's excellent footie knowledge. Ha, it makes me laugh just recalling the hours she spent pretending to be thrilled at having to learn all these blokes names. However, she did so with gusto and my mates all thought she was dead cool and a credit to mum's around the world. Well, the village anyway.

So imagine my surprise and joy when I received a text message from her yesterday saying "Didn't Alan Curbishley, proposed manager of West Ham, used to play for Birmingham?" Obviously I fired off a speedy response in the affirmative, adding that I was well impressed with her knowledge. So, if Alan's mum ever reads this I hope she realises just how memorable her little lad has become.

1-0 to my mum I think.

ELF Cup and cricket

I've lost interest in this competition since Greenland went out but if anyone is at all bothered, the final was yesterday and the winners of the ELF Cup 2006 were Northern Cyprus. Oh, alright then. If you must. The final score was Northern Cyprus 3 - 1 Crimea. Happy now?

And I'm not going to mention the cricket because a) you may not like cricket, b) you've no idea what cricket is, c) we're performing abysmally against Australia in the Ashes (down under) so I'd rather not mention it . And that's all there is to say about that.

Oh, and the 'vigorous storm' we were told was heading our way the other day? Nothing. A bit of rain and that was it. What an anti-cliamx. At least Birmingham won yet again on Saturday, against Burnley.

Wow, what a stupendously disjointed posting. Oh well, a change is as good as a rest as they say. You can have too much of a good thing can't you. So I thought I'd deliver something that had no structure, format or point to it.

And I think I've succeeded

Farewell Polar Teddy Bears

"Stýrðu hingat eikjunni,ek mun þér stöðna kenna, eða hverr á skipit, er þú heldr við andit?" I've no idea what this means but I do know that it's poetry written in (Western) Greenlandish (Kalaallisut). A fitting testement I think to the brave chaps of the Greenland national footie team who, yesterday, bowed out of the ELF Cup following a 1-0 defeat to Kyrgyzstan. This meant the lads finished third in Group A and were thus eliminated.

It's sad to see them go but we must dry away our Arctic tears and get on with things. Well the semi-finals are being held on Friday (Kyrgyzstan V Crimea and Northern Cyprus V Zanzibar) with the final on Sunday. Northern Cyprus have got to be the favourites after absolutely nailing poor little Tibet 10-0 in the group stage. Just click on this posting's title for more exciting info on the the whole thing.

Well, other than an update on the final, I fear that's about it for the ELF Cup. Alas dear reader, it means a return to the mundane postings about my life and the bizarre thoughts I have. Mind you, if there is anything out there in the big wide world that you think may be of interest to me / the readers, then feel free to email me at 'bornthendie@mac.com' any time and maybe, just maybe we'll find something to rival the awesome ELF Cup...

Surely not?

ELF Cup update 4

I told you this tournament was going to be good. For some reason the Elf Cup chaps have been a tad remiss and not posted any of today's results. I hope there's not been a major catastrophe like the team bus breaking down, or the security bloke at the stadium forgetting to unlock the gates. So, it looks like you'll just have to wait for the big Greenland v Kyrgyzstan result a bit longer.

I just have to say that I absolutely love today's photo. Feel free to click on it for a wonderful, larger version. The picture is of a highly 'talented' Gaguazia player er, tackling a little Greenlander. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life. What the bloody hell is he doing? Mind you, the Greenland player doesn't exactly look like Ronaldo either. In fact they both look like they've just been told that the ball is packed with dynamite and are desperate to get away from it. The Gaguazian chap actually looks like he may have pooed himself with fright! Oh, this is so immature but I'm laughing as I type this ... sorry ... oh dear.

Aside from the super ELF Cup (click on the title of this posting to take you to more fabulous photos from the tournament), I've been training new staff this evening. I always feel sorry for new staff because training, no matter how hard you try, is nearly always a turgid affair. I do try and make it more exciting but sometimes I try a bit too hard and then people just stare blankly at me. However, that didn't happen tonight and I think it all went well. Perhaps the next time I see them, I can tell them all about Greenland's marvellous 'Polar Teddy Bears'.

It's blank stares again isn't it?

Elf Cup update 2

Not so much an update as a countdown. As I write, the cup starts in 11 minutes! It starts at the same time as Birmingham play Wolves in a noon fixture here in the UK. It's all too much. Even the sun is shining brightly on this winter's day. It's a shame I'm working later (on a Saturday too) because I would love a glass of champagne to celebrate. Mind you, the first game isn't until Sunday but it couldn't be a more perfect first match. Yes, it's Gagauzia v Greenland.

Go for it you Polar Teddy Bears!